Lost Ground, Lost Souls
by Quycksylver
Summary: Sometimes... death is better. Ryuhou discovers a disturbingly transformed Kazuma. What caused his decline, and can he be saved? Yaoi. It may seem like Kazuma x Ryuhou, but it will actually be Kazuma x Kimishima...eventually.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** No, I don't own s.CRY.ed, dammit… If I did, I would have found better things than fighting for the boys to do together

**A/N: **This story will contain yaoi, which for the uninitiated and uninformed means two boys doing the hoop-de-doop. Don't like it? Bugger off and go read something else. Don't like it and read it anyway…go ahead and flame me--I don't give a damn. This story will also contain mature themes, disturbing imagery, and possibly character death. Consider yourselves warned.

**Lost Ground, Lost Souls**

**Chapter 1**

Three days behind him lay the remains of an almost totally demolished village; ahead of him, seemingly infinite desert, the only other signs of life, a series of footprints leading off in a drunken line to the west. Tugging the hood of his sand-colored cloak further down to protect his face and eyes from the blistering rays of the mid-day sun, the lone figure pursued the footprints and the man who had made them like justice personified, swift and inexorable.

When he first arrived at the nameless village, Ryuhou had thought at first that it had simply been another victim of the violent upheavals of almost four years ago--upheavals that _he_ had been partly responsible for. As he picked his way carefully through the rubble of the outlying row of ruined houses, however, he noted that much of the wreckage was still smoldering, indicating that whatever had happened here had happened recently, probably only a day ago, two at the most. A brief search of the area turned up a small pocket of survivors in what appeared to be an abandoned barn: an elderly man, two middle-aged women, a teenaged boy and girl, and several small children.

Although it had taken a bit of persuading to convince them that he meant them no harm, once he had managed to do so, the adult members of the group were willing enough to tell him what had befallen their village.

"Native Alter, o'course," the old man spat as if he'd just uttered the vilest of curses. "Bastard with wild, spiky hair…some sorta armor-like stuff covering his entire body… and a grin that'd make the devil's blood run cold…"

Although he, for the most part, managed to mask his surprise, he could still feel his eyes widen in disbelief. _Surely it can't be… Not even **he** would…_

"I think it _was_ the devil," one of the women whispered, her eyes wide, glassy with fear.

"Hush, Reiko," the other woman replied fiercely as a few of the smaller children began to whimper and sniffle as well. Wrapping her arms comfortingly around the small bodies that huddled closest to her, she whispered a few soothing words to the frightened children before turning a flint-hard gaze back towards Ryuhou.

"He was no devil," she stated in a flat, weary monotone, "Just a crazy who killed my man…Reiko's man…_Every_ man, woman, and child in this village except for us," she added, sweeping an arm out to the side in a gesture indicating herself and the others.

"Now…What I want to know," she continued, fixing Ryuhou with a sharp, almost angry gaze, "Are you going to bring him down like you brought down our pathetic excuse for a rebel group four years ago… _HOLY_?"

Ruby-hued eyes widened slightly with surprise as the Alter suddenly realized which village he was in…and how the woman had recognized him. He hadn't, after all, kept a very low profile when he'd come through before, searching for the members of HOLD being held captive by the rebels. As he recalled, he'd done a fair amount of damage himself on his last pass through.

"_Ex_-HOLY," he murmured, his voice barely audible even in the near silence of their surroundings. Briefly meeting the woman's hard, knowing gaze, Ryuhou lowered his own, bowing his head slightly. "I will."

Satisfied, the woman nodded stiffly, "Then go to it."

Although he offered to request aid for them, the remaining villagers stubbornly refused. Apparently sending him out to exact their revenge on their destroyer was all the aid they were willing to accept from him or any other Alter user. Given the circumstances, Ryuhou couldn't really blame them, and so despite his misgivings, he honored their request.

The rogue Alter had left no discernible trail leading from the doomed village to his current hiding place, but Ryuhou didn't really need one; he already knew, more or less, where he could find the fugitive, and so, turned his own footsteps to the west, towards the central mountain range that covered most of the Island's interior - or more precisely, towards the network of caverns that lay at their base. Once in the general area, it didn't take him long to find the set of footprints pressed into the hard-packed sand of the desert floor, leading directly to one of the ubiquitous caverns carved into the mountains' base. Unfortunately, by the time he arrived, his quarry was nowhere to be found. Making his way back outside, he followed the base of the mountains, searching the ground until he once again picked up the trail…which only led to another now-empty cave.

"_Ryuhou-san… I'm worried… about Kazu-kun… I haven't seen him in so long…"_

"_You know why he keeps his distance, Kanami… And you know that he can take care of himself."_

"_Yes… but…"_

"_Don't worry - he's fine… You know how stubborn he is.."_

"_But I haven't dreamed of him in over a year! The only other time that happened was right after the second upheaval! That horrible time when you and Kazu-kun were both missing! Something's happened to him - I know it! Something…terrible… Please, Ryuhou-san… you've got to find him…help him…"_

"_Even if you're right… I… doubt he'd accept my help…"_

"_Please, Ryuhou-san!"_

"You were right, Kanami-chan…" he murmured, his gaze fixed on the oddly shaped footprints leading him towards yet another cavern, "Something terrible has happened…" The Alter still couldn't quite credit it. Why would Kazuma do something like this? If it had been a mainland or a HOLY fleet, he could have understood it, but would the younger Alter really unleash his fury on an Inner village in such a fashion, and for no discernible reason? As idiotic and volatile as his rival could be at times, Ryuhou still couldn't quite believe it. Not the Kazuma he knew.

But then… did he really know Kazuma anymore? Had he _ever_ really known him? After their final, no-holds-barred fight, he and his rival had gone their separate ways, only meeting on occasion when they both happened to show up at the same time to deal with any new mainland incursions. On those occasions, they simply dealt with the interlopers before once again separating; and now that he thought about it, it occurred to him that he hadn't seen the Alter in almost two years, himself. As far as he knew, no one else, including Kanami, had seen or heard from him in all that time either. Why had Kazuma hidden himself away all this time? What had his rival been up to?

A faint frown settled over his features as he gazed down at the all too clearly marked trail at his feet, and Ryuhou began to wonder if perhaps this would turn out to be just another dead end after all. The tracks were blurred, elongated, as if whoever had made them had been dragging their feet through the sand. Not the way the man he sought walked. Of course, he _could_ be wounded, the green-haired Alter user reminded himself; it wouldn't be surprising if he were, considering the way he'd have to have been living all this time. Even if he was following the wrong trail, he had no other leads to follow, so he'd continue to follow this one until it proved to be futile.

_After all this time…why am I still following you? Is it Fate? Destiny? _The thought brought a faint smile to his lips. _No doubt you'd say that was nonsense…well…knowing you, you'd probably use a more…colorful…term…_

Pausing for a moment, the former HOLY officer leaned against a boulder and reached into the small duffle bag he carried, retrieving his water bottle. Taking a sip, he rolled the cool liquid in his mouth before swallowing, all the while scanning the area. The tracks seemed to lead to a large outcropping of rocks rising above the desert floor to the west. Ruby eyes squinting from the sun's glare, he peered through the shimmering heat at the jagged edifice, searching for some sign of life or movement, but saw nothing. After a brief rest, the Alter once again shouldered his bag and set off in the direction the tracks led.

_You lead…I follow… Just like old times, eh? …Somehow, I would have thought we'd have worked past this sort of thing by now… I'm sure **I'm** not the one holding us back… but then, you could never let go of anything, could you…you…jackass… But this…this is over the top… even for you…_

The tracks disappeared at the entrance of a small cave hollowed into the rock. Lowering himself down onto his hands and knees, Ryuhou peered into the darkness, but could see nothing.

"Hello…?" he called softly, "Kazuma…? Are you in there?" Upon receiving no answer, he frowned, not sure whether to be annoyed or worried. Unzipping his duffle bag, he withdrew a small flashlight, shining it through the cave entrance. Still seeing nothing but more darkness, he crawled through the small gap in the rocks. Once inside, Ryuhou discovered that what he'd taken to be a small hollow, was actually a rather large cavern, high enough to stand upright in, and wide enough for deep shadows to swallow the walls. Even the beam from his flashlight failed to reach the rock surface on the far side of the cave from where he stood.

"Kazuma?" he called again, carefully moving forward as he swung his light around the darkened interior, "Dammit Kazuma! Answer me if you're in here!"

A low, warning growl sounded from the back of the cave, and swinging his light in that direction, he could just make out a hunched silhouette shambling towards him. In a heartbeat, Zetsuei appeared before him, the violet ribbons unfurling to wind around the attacker, slamming him - or it - face first into the cavern floor. Moving cautiously, Ryuhou approached the prone figure who now lay panting in the dirt, tangled in the ribbons of his Alter, the beam of his flashlight slowly revealing his unknown assailant.

For a moment, Ryuhou didn't realize that his search had, indeed, been successful, so changed was the figure laying stunned at his feet from the man he remembered. The once proud, muscular frame now appeared gaunt, wasted, the limbs and spine twisted and hunched. Through the tattered rags covering the misshapen form, the Alter could clearly see that his long-time rival's scars had spread alarmingly, now extending up the right side of the younger Alter's neck and covering half of his face. The once glossy auburn hair now nearly brushed the other youth's shoulders and was filthy and matted, shot through with grey. Although the man at his feet was not yet 20, he had the appearance of a man well over twice that age.

_Dear God…could he have really destroyed that village? Can he even Alter anymore in the shape he's in? _

Of all the things he'd ever expected to feel when gazing upon his rival, pity had to be the last on the list, and yet that was exactly what he felt as he stared unblinkingly at the pathetic wreckage of a man sprawled upon the cave's floor. Pity…and something closely akin to grief. The twisted, ravaged figure was suddenly no longer his long-time rival, no longer the same man he'd fought with and fought against, whom he'd hated - and at the same time, almost…loved - for almost four years. The sudden, sharp pang of grief he felt bit into his soul, far worse than the pain he'd felt even over Shiirice's death. Somehow, Ryuhou knew that he'd lost something precious, something vital to him. Something that could never be replaced.

Hard on the heels of his grief, a bitter, burning rage took its place, and the ruby eyes narrowed to slits as he gazed down at the unconscious man. With barely a thought on Ryuhou's part, Zetsuei's ribbons twined snake-like around Kazuma's throat, digging in slightly although without breaking the skin, the younger Alter's breathing becoming more labored as a result. As he gazed down at his unconscious rival, Ryuhou's hands clenched into fists as he prepared to give Zetsuei the silent command to finish the other man once and for all. Why was he hesitating? Whatever Kazuma had been before was gone, and now the other man was truly nothing more than the savage, bestial creature that Ryuhou had always accused him of being -- as the village he'd destroyed could attest.

Several minutes later, he was still standing there, unable to bring himself to end his long-time rival's life. It was…foolish, but he simply couldn't do it, not while Kazuma lay sprawled and helpless at his feet. With a heavy sigh, he dismissed Zetsuei, sinking to his knees beside the motionless figure. "How could you?" he hissed, hooking his fingers in the tattered remnants of his rival's trademark one-sleeved jacket, "How could you have let yourself turn into this…this…shadow!" Roughly yanking the still body up from the cavern floor, crimson eyes like twin laser sights glared into the ravaged face. "Wake up!" he growled, shaking the limp body like a rag doll, "Wake up and…fight me, you obnoxious bastard!"

Panting raggedly from his efforts to rouse his apparently comatose rival, Ryuhou gave the other man another contemptuous shake and was on the verge of letting the unconscious Alter fall back onto the cavern floor when another stab of grief, unexpected as the blade of a stiletto, again knifed through his chest, tearing a loud, sobbing gasp from him. His face crumpling, he pulled the too-still body back into his arms, burying his face in his rival's shoulder as he crushed the frail body against his own, his hoarse, jagged sobs echoing through the cavern.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** No, I don't own s.CRY.ed, dammit… If I did, I would have found better things than fighting for the boys to do together

**A/N: **Originally published on AFFnet. In this chapter, Kazuma's dream has been rather heavily edited-- so go there if you want the uncut version (And many thanks to Brightdreamer for her help with the edit!). This story will contain yaoi, which for the uninitiated and uninformed means two boys doing the hoop-de-doop. Don't like it? Bugger off and go read something else. Don't like it and read it anyway…go ahead and flame me--I still don't give a damn. This story will also contain mature themes, disturbing imagery, harsh language, and possibly character death. Consider yourselves warned.

**Lost Ground, Lost Souls**

**Chapter 2**

"Kazuma-kun..." The teasing voice seemed to call to him from across a great distance, rousing him from the warm darkness he floated in, comfortably weightless. As he slowly surfaced into consciousness, he was dimly aware of the obnoxious glare of sunrise as it attempted to pry its way in between his eyelids. Grumbling, he rolled over onto his side, pulling his pillow over his head, hoping to block out both light and voice. A soft chuckle was followed by the malicious theft of his pillow...and the even more malicious repeated smacking of said pillow over his head.

"Asshole..." he muttered, pulling the covers up over his head in a futile attempt to escape the incessant fwapping. This, of course, only resulted in the covers being yanked rudely down to his waist, exposing his bare back to the early morning chill of the room. Almost immediately, warm hands caressed over his chilled skin, strong fingers massaging the knots of tension from his always-aching shoulder. Sighing softly, Kazuma rolled his shoulders a bit, his eyes fluttering closed as he began to relax. "Baka... I was _trying_ to sleep... I'm _tired_, dammit..."

"Why should _you_ be tired?" Kimishima inquired, a hint of laughter in his voice, "I was the one doing all the work last night..." One hand slipped around to ghost teasingly over the Alter's chest and stomach, before tracing a line down to more sensitive flesh.

"Bastard..." Kazuma sighed, although his heart clearly wasn't in the insult, "I...was talking about...nnngg... the job I did for you...ahh.. before..." His eyes fluttering closed, Kazuma pressed back into the warm body spooned up behind his own, his breathing becoming shallower as he rocked subtly. "You know… the one you _still_ haven't paid me for yet…"

White, even teeth nipped into the nexus of his neck and shoulder before continuing their path up the side of his neck, Kimishima's soft laughter spilling steaming puffs of breath over his skin. "Well..._I_ was talking about the job _I_ did for _you_ afterwards..." he murmured, quickening his strokes, "Not to mention the one I'm doing for you right now... So... I'd say we're about even..."

Groaning, Kazuma gave up on the argument and rolled over onto his back, pulling his lover's body down to blanket his own. "'Shima..." he murmured, his voice thick, roughened by desire, "'Shima... I-I..." Two insistent fingers pressed against his lips, silencing his words before he could finish saying them. Opening his mouth obediently, he suckled upon the other man's slightly calloused fingers, laving them thoroughly, a small grin forming upon his lips as he wrung a groan from his lover with a teasing flick of his tongue at the webbing of skin between Kimishima's fingers.

Then it was Kazuma's turn to groan as Kimishima withdrew his fingers, the other man's hands…touching him…the comforting solidity of his lover's body pressing against his own…moving over him…moving with him…fanning the flames of his own desire until they almost consumed him. "'Shima... " he began again, only to have his words -- the words he could never bring himself to say under normal circumstances -- once more cut off, this time by the press of feverish, demanding lips covering his own in a kiss that seemed to steal the breath from his body.

When he could at last breathe again, Kazuma forced his eyes open, his breath catching slightly as he gazed up into Kimishima's flushed, pleasure-filled face. Reaching up, he traced his fingertips over the other man's face, almost tenderly mapping out the angular contours, as if trying to commit them to memory...not that he'd ever forget them. As the pleasurable sensations intensified, Kazuma gasped raggedly, arching up against Kimishima, his eyes once again sliding closed, his body already beginning to flutter and shudder with the beginnings of his own climax.

A sudden, sharp cry from his mate caused Kazuma's eyes to fly open, "Kimi…shima...! What...?" Above him, the older youth was poised, his body arched back, every muscle strung taut as if in the grip of passion. It was shock, however, not pleasure, that was etched into the lines of Kimishima's face. Pain-filled brown eyes gazed pleadingly into his own as the other man's body convulsed in a parody of orgasm, "Kaz..u..." A gout of red-black blood spilled over his lover's lips as he collapsed on top of the younger man, sending a disturbing ripple of pleasure up along his spine. Already close, Kazuma was helpless to stave off the intense climax that shook him in its grasp, and he came, shrieking, and covered in Kimishima's blood.

Still screaming, Kazuma sat bolt upright, slapping frantically at his arms in an attempt to wipe away the blood that he was sure still clung to him--even though he could see nothing in the almost total darkness that surrounded him. Scooting backwards until he reached the cavern wall, he leaned back against the cold rock surface and hugged his knees to his chest, his breath coming in short, sobbing pants as he darted a panicked gaze around his surroundings.

_Where…am I…?_

He could see nothing, so thick was the surrounding darkness that seemed to press in around him, almost suffocating him. Digging his boot heels into the ground, he tried to scoot back even further, but his back was already flush against the wall, preventing any further retreat. Disoriented, afraid…and apparently alone, he leaned back against the wall, squeezing his eye tightly shut, a strangled, keening whine rising at the back of his throat. …And then, two strong hands gripped his shoulders, and he could feel the warm, comforting presence of another next to him in the darkness.

"'Shima!" His voice had the sound of a rusty hinge as he flung himself into his lover's arms, burrowing his face into the other's shoulder, his arms wrapping fiercely around his lover's waist. "Oh, God…'Shima… I-I had the most awful dream…" The other man's body stiffened for a moment, then slowly relaxed, one arm encircling Kazuma's waist, the other hand rising to tentatively stroke the matted auburn hair.

"It's… alright… I'm here now…" a hushed voice murmured in his ear. "Try and sleep now, okay?"

Nodding against the other man's shoulder, Kazuma curled up closely to the familiar and comforting presence. Winding his arms more tightly around his lover, he soon fell asleep, a faint smile upon his lips.

Once Kazuma had relaxed against him, the younger man's breathing shallow, but regular, Ryuhou debated lowering him back down to the cavern floor, but hesitated. The stone floor was cold, and without some source of heat would soon leach away every bit of warmth from the other man's body. At the moment, Kazuma seemed to be radiating enough heat to warm a small house, indicating that he was running a high fever--which made it even more dangerous to do so. If Kazuma was ill already, the last thing he needed was to catch a chill on top of everything else that was wrong with him. Ryuhou refused to allow the other man to die…at least not until he discovered what was going on. So for the time being, he continued to hold the gaunt, wasted body against his own while the other man slept.

As the night wore on, Ryuhou turned the events of the past several weeks over in his mind, trying to make sense of them. He knew, of course, why Kazuma had distanced himself from Kanami and everyone else whom he cared for--it was for the same reason he himself had chosen to live in almost total exile. But how had the other Alter user declined into such a state? And more importantly, _why_?

And…who was this…Shima…whom the younger man had mistaken him for? Obviously they were someone close to Kazuma…so…why weren't they here with him now? Was the younger Alter user simply keeping his distance as he did from everyone else in his life? Or was there some other reason?

Frowning slightly, Ryuhou shifted a little in an attempt to find a more comfortable position. Leaning back against the hard surface of the cavern wall, he turned his thoughts to more important matters…such as what to do with the man currently resting like a dead weight against his chest. If Kazuma had simply gone rogue, he would have to answer for his crimes, of course. But…if his long-time adversary's mental state had deteriorated along with his physical, then that…complicated matters. The tempestuous Alter would still have to be confined so that he couldn't hurt anyone else, of course, but still, in that event, justice could still be tempered with mercy. Which would prove to be the case, however? The sleeping man didn't seem inclined to provide him with any answers at the moment. Typical. Closing his eyes wearily, Ryuhou determined that all answers would have to wait until the other man regained consciousness.

Despite his own weariness, sleep continued to elude the former HOLY officer, however, and he continued to turn the enigma over in his mind for the remainder of the night. As the first glimmer of dawn crept in through the mouth of the cavern, it occurred to him that it might not be wise for Kazuma to find him so…close…upon waking. Carefully lowering the sleeping man to the ground, he retreated to the other side of the cave to await his companion's awakening.

_Kimishima…?_ As always, he reached out for the other man, only to encounter cold, empty space. Even after almost four years, he hadn't grown used to the absence. _Damn you… how could you…leave me? …Bastard…_ He knew, of course, that his lover was dead…_long_ dead… So why did he cling to this futile hope that it was all a bad dream…a mistake that might be rectified with each new dawn? Why did he continue to torture himself by hanging onto an existence that had long since lost any meaning for him? Why did his body still struggle for life? Why didn't it just give up…like the rest of him…

He knew why, of course. After what he'd seen …but no…he knew better. What he thought he'd seen had been a mirage…a memory…wishful thinking…nothing more. The last several days had proven that. Rolling over onto his side with a groan, he curled up tightly on himself, a confused frown furrowing his brow as he opened his eye to gaze upon his surroundings. _Where the fuck **am** I…and how did I get here?_ The last he could remember, he'd been out…hunting…in the open desert, several kilometers to the east of the mountain. So…How had he gotten here? …Wherever _here_ was…

Curling up into a tighter ball, another groan forced its way past his lips. _Fuck…why do I feel so beat up? _His entire body felt like it had been slammed repeatedly into the side of a mountain…and then stuffed into a locker and left for a week. His head was pounding, and his right arm was numb…as if he'd recently Altered… but he didn't remember having done so--not for weeks. _What the hell is going on?_

His scowl deepening, he levered himself up with his good arm, his one-eyed gaze darting around the cavern's interior as he tried to get his bearings. Only then did he come to the realization that he was not alone, and as he discovered the identity of his unwelcome guest, one amber eye glittered balefully as he forced himself to his feet, the faint glow of prismatic light outlining his form as he took a menacing step towards the other man.

"Ryuhou…"


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:** Nope, still don't own s-CRY-ed. Nope, still don't have any money, either.

**A/N:** Same warnings as in the first two chapters. Deal.

**Lost Ground, Lost Souls**

**Chapter 3**

As Kazuma stumbled towards him, Ryuhou sighed. It always seemed to come to this… Why did things between them always have to go this way? Wearily, the former HOLY officer climbed to his feet, facing his long-time rival. With a sweep of his arm, the glow of his power flared brightly around him, clearly visible in the dim half-light of the cavern. A moment later, two shallow pits appeared in the cavern floor before him, and Zetsuei took form in the space between himself and the other Alter.

"Stand down, Kazuma!" he warned the other man, "You…you can't hope to fight me…In the shape you're in, you can't even Alter--so, stand down!"

A dry chuckle like the rattle of bones rose from Kazuma's throat as he took another step forward. Sweeping his own arm out to one side, the aged leather of the half-glove on his right hand creaked as his fingers slowly curled into a fist, his own aura flickering weakly about him. "Fuck you…" he rasped, taking another step forward.

Faster than thought, Zetsuei rushed forward, the violet ribbons unfurling to wind around Kazuma's body, pinning the Alter's arms to his sides. Sweeping one leg around, the construct knocked Kazuma's feet out from under him and he hit the ground with a dull thud and lay still.

Cautiously, Ryuhou approached his fallen rival, keeping Zetsuei's ribbons firmly in place until he'd determined that the other man was indeed out cold, and not simply feigning unconsciousness. As he crouched beside the younger man, he was almost stunned to discover that his rival was indeed unconscious. ..from a blow that normally wouldn't even have fazed him. More than a little uneasy, he allowed his Alter to disintegrate, only the ribbons remaining behind, binding the unconscious man securely. His expression impassive as he gazed down at the other man, Ryuhou was once again tempted to simply destroy Kazuma before he regained consciousness--and once again quickly discarded the idea. There was, however, little doubt in his mind that Kazuma was the culprit--who else possessed such capacity for destruction…other than himself, of course?

Old habits died hard, however; and after spending most of his life, to date, in the pursuit of justice, he simply couldn't abandon the principles that had sustained him for so long…even if most of his ideals had eventually turned on him at some point. Yes, he had changed as well over the past four years, but even if HOLY and all it stood for had betrayed him, he still had faith in his own ideals. There was a process to be followed here, and he would follow it. As soon as Kazuma could travel, he would take the other man back to the village he had destroyed in order to verify his guilt. It was a mere formality, of course, but one that must be carried out.

Once that had been accomplished, he would continue on with his captive, taking him into the City. There were places there…institutions…where his rival could receive treatment for…whatever was wrong with him…or at least be restrained so that he couldn't hurt anyone else--or himself. No doubt the remaining villagers would protest strenuously, demanding their own brand of "justice," but that, he wouldn't allow. No matter what Kazuma had done, his long-time rival deserved a better end than being strung up by an angry mob.

_Not that my solution is much better…_ Ryuhou thought. If allowed to decide for himself between the two options, Kazuma would probably prefer a quick death to being imprisoned for the rest of his days.

Shaking his head, he turned away, walking back over to where he'd left his duffle bag. Stooping down, he rifled the contents for his water bottle and some of the remaining rations. Now that he had decided what to do with Kazuma, he couldn't very well let him starve. Setting the unconscious man's portion aside, he took up his own before retreating a short distance away. Positioning himself between Kazuma and the cave entrance, Ryuhou lowered himself to the cavern floor, resting his back against the cold, uneven stone wall. Unwrapping his own portion, he took a bite, grimacing at the taste and texture. The stuff tasted like particle board, but it was better than nothing…barely. After a brief glance back to check on his…prisoner, he turned away once more, raising the bottle to his lips as he gazed through the cave opening at the brightening sky.

Some time later, as Kazuma struggled back to consciousness, the first thing he was aware of was pain; jagged, white-hot bolts stabbing through his head, his spine, traveling along the scars on his arm like molten fire. Groaning, he tried to sit up, only to find himself restrained. Raising his head, he grimaced as fresh pain exploded in his skull. Looking down, he saw violet ribbons wound tightly around his body, binding his arms securely to his sides.

_What the fuck?_

The sound of movement off to one side drew his attention, causing him to turn his head, another grimace contorting his features as he recognized the man crouching next to him. Great…As if things weren't bad enough already…

"Kazuma… do you remember me? Do you know who I am?"

The younger Alter user favored his long-time rival with the sort of look he might hold in reserve for the day Ryuhou sprouted a second head…and tentacles. After a moment, he croaked a rusty laugh, "Don't _you_ know who you are?" he rasped, "Listen--when you find out, don't tell anybody!"

With a bemused expression, he once again glanced down at the ribbons binding him before allowing his head to fall back, wincing slightly as he struck the hard stone surface. When his vision once again cleared, he smirked up at the other man. "What's with the bondage gear? I…never thought of you as the kinky type… Now…untie me, you prick…" Kazuma was pleased to see a faint blush creep up into Ryuhou's cheeks as the other man shifted uncomfortably. However, his…captor…made no move to release him.

"No. Not until you've answered a few questions… Like… why you attacked me… and why you destroyed that village.."

Frowning, Kazuma struggled to prop himself up on his elbows, wincing slightly as the sharp edges sliced through his threadbare clothing and into his flesh. _Great…Just what I need…More fucking scars on my arms… _Ryuhou wasn't making much sense, however, and the younger man cast a half-annoyed, half-puzzled glance at his rival. "What the fuck are you talking about?" he growled, "I didn't attack you… Might've if I'd known you were anywhere around…but I didn't…" _Fuck…I can't even hold onto my Alter for more than a few seconds at a time, anymore…Think I'll just keep that to myself though…for now…_

Ryuhou, however, was insistent. "You did," he stated flatly, "And you destroyed a village."

Snorting a laugh, he lowered himself back to the ground, "Yeah…right…whatever…"

"You did," Ryuhou insisted stubbornly, giving Kazuma a strange look, "Don't you remember?"

"No…because it didn't happen…" Kazuma's voice carried little conviction, however. For the past several months, his memory had been getting progressively worse; sketchy, full of holes and out and out blank areas. Sometimes, entire weeks would go by, and at their end, he would have almost no recollection of what had passed from one day to the next. He didn't even remember how he had gotten here, for that matter…wherever _here_ was.

Apparently picking up on the tiny shred of doubt in Kazuma's voice, Ryuhou intensified his cross-examination; the smug self-righteousness in the other man's voice setting his teeth on edge. "You did. Whether you remember or not."

"Yeah…right…Whatever you say…" Kazuma groaned, rolling his eye, "Now will you fucking untie me before I get loose on my own and kick your ass?" His words were empty, and he knew it--in his current condition, he couldn't kick a sick kitten's ass, much less Ryuhou's. Still, it made him feel a little better to say them.

Apparently, Ryuhou had no intention of releasing him, however. Instead, the former HOLY officer moved out of his line of vision for a moment. Returning a few moments later, the crinkling of paper was audible as he unwrapped…something…which he then offered to Kazuma. "Here…Eat this…It's not much, but it's better than starving."

Glaring first at Ryuhou, then at whatever the other man was offering him, Kazuma turned his head to the side, his eye slowly sliding closed. "Fuck you…" he spat, "I'd rather starve."

Hours later, Ryuhou once again sat near the cavern mouth, gazing out at the darkening landscape as he absently crunched another of the tasteless ration bars. Perhaps Kazuma was right, and starvation _was_ the better option.

Glancing back into the depths of the cave, Ryuhou frowned at the captive. Either unconscious or asleep, Kazuma hadn't made a move or a sound in the past several hours…and that was beginning to worry him. Standing up, he dusted his hands off on his pants legs before slowly approaching the motionless figure, his expression impassive, almost blank, as he gazed down into rival's ravaged features.

_Kazuma…What the hell happened to you?_

The past four years had taken their toll on Ryuhou as well, of course. He, too, bore his own scars; the price he paid for channeling such formidable power. But…his own scarring was nothing compared to Kazuma's, nor had his limbs or spine become twisted as the other man's had. But then again…Zetsuei's two lesser forms were separate from him…and he rarely had to use the most powerful form of his Alter anymore. But Kazuma…_all_ forms of his Alter were very much a part of him, all required that he Alter his own body--or part of it, at any rate--and…well…the younger man had never been much for moderation.

Kneeling beside the unconscious man, sudden, dark fear fluttered within him--if Kazuma was breathing at all, then the rise and fall of the other man's chest was too shallow to be discernible. Allowing his Alter to disintegrate, Ryuhou Reached out to press two fingers against Kazuma's throat, just over the carotid artery and was relieved to feel a strong pulse--although the other Alter's heartbeat was much too rapid and erratic for his taste. But…why wasn't the other man breathing?

Almost in answer to Ryuhou's unspoken question, Kazuma's head lolled slowly to one side as a series of loose, rattling coughs wracked his body, causing him to eject a wad of yellowish mucous mixed with blood out onto the cavern's stone floor. Grimacing slightly, Ryuhou shifted Kazuma over a few inches so that the other man wouldn't have to lay in the mess.

As he touched the redhead, a low moan rose from deep within Kazuma's chest, and despite the chill of the stone he was lying on, a thin sheen of sweat broke out over his forehead and face. One amber eye slowly peeled itself open, fixing its gaze upon Ryuhou's forehead--although he doubted that the other man saw him or even knew he was there.

"K…Kimi…shima…" Kazuma murmured, his voice barely above a whisper, "Wake up…Kimishima…" His eye slid closed once more, an expression of disbelief and desolation settling over the younger man's features as parched lips parted to hitch in an uneven breath. "St…stop…screwing around…"

Ryuhou's own eyes widened as tears seeped out from under Kazuma's eyelids, carving trails through the dirt and grime encrusted on the other man's skin. Kimishima… Was this the same person as the "Shima" that Kazuma had mistaken him for earlier? Perhaps…Shima was a nickname

_Or a…petname…?_

for the same person? At any rate, Ryuhou was beginning to get an idea of why this other person was no longer with his rival.

_They're dead…_

Something had happened to them, obviously. Something…bad. Acting on impulse, Ryuhou reached out, gently brushing sweat-drenched bangs back from the other man's too-warm forehead. "I'm here…" he said softly, "It's…all right, Kazuma… I'm here…" He didn't quite know why he once again pretended to be the mysterious Shima and/or Kimishima…but he was glad that he had as his words seemed to both calm and comfort the other man.

"…Shima…" Kazuma whispered, a faint, relieved smile playing about his lips, "Knew…you were just…yanking my chain…"

"I'm…sorry I worried you…" Ryuhou replied as he continued to caress the other man's feverish face. Kazuma's only reply was a noncommittal grunt, and after a few moments, the younger man's breathing slowed, deepened, as he once more either passed out or drifted off to sleep.

_Respiratory infection…maybe even pneumonia…_ Ryuhou pulled away, sitting back on his heels to gaze thoughtfully down at his captive. After a long moment, he pushed himself back up to this feet, heading back over to rummage through his duffle bag until he located the small bottle of penicillin tablets. He'd brought them to prevent infection from any injuries he might sustain during his travels, but they were all he had that might help Kazuma to recover…_if_ he could get the stubborn ass to take them.

Taking the penicillin and the water bottle, Ryuhou crossed back to the area of the cave where Kazuma still laid. Although sweat still seemed to pour from him, Kazuma now seemed to be in the grip of a severe chill, his teeth chattering, his body visibly shivering.

_Dammit, Kazuma…I didn't bring anything that even looks like a blanket…_

After a few moments, Ryuhou quickly unbuttoned his rather threadbare uniform coat before draping it over the shivering man. Almost as an afterthought, he once more crossed over to the other side of the cave to retrieve his equally threadbare cloak, spreading it out over the other man as well. During the time he'd been tracking the other, he'd been using his cloak as a bedroll himself; at any rate, it was all he had, so it would have to do.

For the time being, Ryuhou had done all that he could for Kazuma. When the other Alter next woke, he would try to force a couple of the antibiotics into him. But for now, all he could do was wait. Once more, he lowered himself to the ground; picking up his water bottle, he raised it to his lips as he watched the last vestiges of sunlight fade from the late evening sky.

_So much for leaving at first light… _Even with Kazuma's enhanced healing abilities, it would be at least a couple of days before the other man was fit to travel--and possibly longer than that, depending on how firm a grip the infection had on him.

_Why are you going to such lengths to save him? A rival…An enemy…? _An almost cynical smile tugged at Ryuhou's lips as he pondered his own question. Why, indeed…? There had never been any love lost between them, not from the moment they had first met. Even during their uneasy truce those three months when they had lived and worked together, fighting against the Mainland forces…even then, the camaraderie between them had been volatile, at best. And when there had been no common enemy for them to unite against, they would as often as not turn to and fight each other--and there had been times when the fighting between them became so bitter that he had been sure that they would save the Mainland the trouble and kill each other.

And yet…

Ryuhou had never felt more content…more…_alive_ than he had during those times. For all his other faults--and he had many--Kazuma had never disappointed him. Time and again, the other man had proven himself to be Ryuhou's equal…and he was still the only gauge by which the former HOLY officer never tired of measuring himself. At heart, they were the same; Kazuma was his mirror image, the darker side of his own tarnished soul. Total opposites…and yet, two sides of the same, dysfunctional coin.

Although he would never go so far as to say--even to himself--that he liked Kazuma, he did at least respect the other man. If he just allowed the other to die, something vital in himself would die, as well.

_It's just…not a fitting end for so worthy an opponent…_

Again, that might not be the right answer, or the only answer…but it was all he had, so it would have to do.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer:** No, I don't own s.CRY.ed, dammit… If I did, I would have found better things for the boys to do together than fight!

**A/N: **Many thanks to Brightdreamer and her mad proofreading skillz...and for putting up with my constant questions of "Hey... think _this_ will work?" as I hammer out various plot points. You rock, girlfriend!

This story will contain yaoi, which for the uninitiated and uninformed means two boys doing the hoop-de-doop. Don't like it? Bugger off and go read something else. Don't like it and read it anyway…go ahead and flame me--I don't give a damn. This story will also contain mature themes, disturbing imagery, and possibly character death—maybe even multiple character deaths—I just don't know yet. Consider yourselves warned.

**Lost Ground, Lost Souls**

**Chapter 4**

Five days passed before Kazuma was well enough to travel—even Ryuhou hadn't expected it to take that long, but the infection running riot through his rival's body had an even tighter grip on the other man than he had feared. For much of that time, Kazuma had remained unconscious, drenched in fever-sweat, sometimes raving to or about the mysterious "Shima," sometimes muttering the names of other people that Ryuhou assumed he had known in the past. Once or twice he heard his own name pass through the parched, cracked lips, but when he went over to check on the other man, he found him still unconscious, still trapped in dreams of the past.

Finally, the night before last, Kazuma's fever had broken, and his patient/prisoner had returned to a sort of sluggish semi-consciousness. Yesterday, he had been able to sit up, but had remained sullenly uncommunicative—not that Ryuhou had expected him to behave any differently. Although Kazuma was still weak, he now seemed to be out of danger, and Ryuhou decided that they would set off for the ruined village the next morning. Even now, it would, perhaps, be better to wait another day or two, but the former HOLY officer was quickly reaching the end of his limited supplies. While they still had an almost endless hoard of the tasteless field ration bars, the dehydrated broth that he had brought to give himself a break from the rations—and which was the only thing that Kazuma could keep down—was close to running out.

"Why'd you keep me alive?"

The sudden question drew Ryuhou's gaze from the duffel bag he was packing, and he turned to glance over at the younger man, one eyebrow arching inquiringly, "Would you have preferred that I let you die?"

Kazuma shrugged as if the question was immaterial, "Isn't that what you always wanted?"

Ryuhou blinked, gaping dumbfoundedly at his prisoner, "I..." Quickly averting his gaze, he turned back to his task, "Only if you die by _my_ hand—anything else just wouldn't be as...satisfying."

The younger Alter apparently found Ryuhou's answer acceptable as a faint grin slanted across his face. His eye slid closed as he leaned back against the cavern wall, "Fair enough... You...might have to hurry though...if you want the chance..."

"What do you mean?" Ryuhou's head snapped back up, his eyes narrowing slightly as he peered over at his captive rival. Kazuma, however, only rolled his shoulders in another small shrug, apparently not caring to explain further.

Frowning slightly, Ryuhou finished loading the rest of his gear into the duffel bag, zipping it shut afterwards. Standing up, he slung the bag over his shoulder before leaning down a little to extend a hand to the other man, "Come on...it's time to go."

Ignoring the outstretched hand, Kazuma levered himself onto his feet under his own power, bracing himself against the cavern wall with one hand as he swayed unsteadily for a moment. "Where the fuck are we going, anyway?"

Ryuhou didn't answer for a long moment, attempting to gauge his rival's reaction to their destination. Although Kazuma seemed calm—even cooperative—at the moment, he doubted that the other man would remain so once he learned where Ryuhou planned to take him. As he swept one arm to the side, a bit more of the cavern's floor disappeared as the smaller, restrained form of Zetsuei formed in front of him, it's violet ribbons stabbing forward, forcing Kazuma to take a step backwards. "You destroyed a village, Kazuma. You're responsible for hurting a great many people—I won't let you hurt anyone else."

Kazuma's eye narrowed dangerously, and for a moment, Ryuhou was certain that he would have to forcibly restrain his prisoner. To his surprise, however, Kazuma simply gave another shrug and eased himself around Zetsuei, still bracing himself against the wall as he stumbled towards the cave's mouth. "Fine...whatever...Let's go."

HR

Due to Kazuma's weakened state, they had to stop more often to allow the younger man to rest before they could continue on—not that Kazuma made any complaints, of course. The stubborn Alter would have driven himself to the point of collapse if Ryuhou hadn't called the occasional halt to their journey, forcing the other man to sit, to rest and regain a little of his rapidly dwindling strength.

After their brief exchange in the cavern, Kazuma had remained mostly silent, responding to any of Ryuhou's statements or queries with a grunt, or a roll of his shoulders. As they made their slow progress across the desert floor, Kazuma a few paces ahead where the former HOLY officer could keep an eye on his prisoner, Ryuhou had plenty of time to reflect on the other man's uncharacteristic behavior.

Kazuma had always been...loud. An obnoxious punk with a hair-trigger temper, whose bite was _much_ worse than his bark. However, there had always been an underlying sense of purpose to the other man's actions—even though Ryuhou hadn't seen that, himself, until much later. Despite his own earlier beliefs, Kazuma didn't engage in destruction for its own sake...or, at least, he _hadn't_. So...what could have possibly brought this change about? As they continued their trek across the desert landscape, Ryuhou's eyes narrowed as he turned a speculative gaze onto the other man's back.

Oblivious to Ryuhou's scrutiny, Kazuma shuffled along ahead of the other man. Shoulders slumped, head bowed, his one working eye fixed dully on the sand beneath their feet, he carried himself nothing like the man Ryuhou had known. Gone was the muscular body with the fluid, almost cat-like grace, and in its place was this brittle, too-thin shell that was only barely capable of remaining upright as it shambled across the wasteland towards their destination. Gone, too, was the once defiant spirit—the man Ryuhou had known would _never_ have allowed himself to be herded along like a stray lamb to the fold. In this...stranger, however, there was no defiance, no resistance; only...resignation. What could have happened to change him so? The only one who could tell him that was Kazuma, himself...but as usual, the other man offered him no answers.

Within an hour or two after leaving the cavern, Ryuhou noticed that Kazuma's already lowered stamina was beginning to flag. Even after the short time they'd been walking, the other Alter was already weaving drunkenly, barely able to remain on his feet. Frowning slightly, Ryuhou watched Kazuma's unsteady progress for a few moments, noting the stiff, limping movements, the almost absent rubbing of his right shoulder, but he knew better than to offer any assistance to the other man. Instead, he called a momentary halt to their journey, leading his prisoner over to a small outcropping of rock that provided at least some shelter from the merciless sun.

Lowering himself carefully to the ground, Kazuma leaned back against one of the boulders that dotted the desert floor. It was barely two hours past sunrise, and the heat was already sweltering. His skin felt greasy with dried sweat and grime—how long had it been since he'd had a real bath, anyway? A faint frown creased his brow as he realized that he couldn't remember.

"Here."

Blinking, he looked up to find a hand holding a bottle of water before him. Slowly, his gaze traveled up along the long line of the arm attached to the hand to discover Ryuhou standing over him. Ryuhou...? Oh, yeah...he was a prisoner again, and the other man was taking him...somewhere or other... Something about a village that had been destroyed.

Grunting in acknowledgment, he accepted the bottle, tipping it up to his lips and taking a deep draught as Ryuhou retreated to another boulder a short distance away. As the cool liquid eased his parched throat, he felt a little better—not much, but not quite so feverish, at least. Reaching down with one hand, he patted his pockets, searching for the crumpled half-pack of cigarettes he seemed to remember having in his possession. No luck. Apparently he'd smoked the last of them days ago—hell, maybe even months ago.

With a sigh, he raised the water bottle

_the cigarette_

to his lips again, taking another long sip

_deep drag, the acrid taste of smoke rich upon his tongue. Pulling the smoke deeply into his lungs, he held it a moment before exhaling a thick, curling plume...which became small, puffy smoke signals as warm lips pressed against the side of his neck...and a teasing hand groped him underneath the sheets pooled at his waist._

"_Damn, 'Shima," he laughed, slapping lightly at the other man's hand—which appeared not to discourage his lover in the slightest, "How many times has it been now? Three? Four? Haven't you had enough yet?"_

"_Three..." Kimishima replied, plucking the cigarette from between Kazuma's fingers with his free hand and placing it between his own lips, the tip flaring a bright cherry-red as he inhaled. A small grin formed on his lips as he added, "And I don't think I could ever get enough of you...no matter how many times we did it."_

_Although increasingly distracted by the rush of warmth his lover's attentions sent rioting through him, Kazuma turned slightly to glance at the other man, his own lips quirking into a cynical half-grin. "That," he said, reaching over to reclaim the cigarette, "has got to be the sappiest thing you've ever said to me." Snorting a laugh, he took another drag, releasing the smoke back into the room with a low moan as Kimishima intensified his ministrations._

"_Maybe..." the other man agreed, smirking a little as Kazuma shifted slightly, allowing the wandering hands better access, "But that doesn't make it any less true..."_

"_Yeah...?"_

"_Yeah."_

_Again, the cigarette was removed from his fingers and triumphantly snubbed out in the ashtray resting on the nightstand. A firm, yet gentle hand coaxed him back fully onto the bed, and as he fell back against the pillows he was immediately rewarded with the familiar weight of his lover's body pressing down onto his own, blanketing him with warmth and desire..._

Gasping, Kazuma started violently, the sudden movement causing some of the water to slop over the rim of the bottle and onto his lap. The memory—dream—vision...whatever it had been...had been so vivid, so _real_... Real enough that his pulse still raced, and his body still pulsed with warmth. Real enough that he almost expected to find Kimishima reclining against the rock next to him, grinning around the stub end of a cigarette clamped between his teeth...and real enough for his heart to break all over again at the realization that it wasn't real at all.

A small, choked sound escaped him as he scrambled back onto his feet, stumbling back onto the northward path.

"Kazuma?" Ryuhou called from behind him, the sound of the other man's voice followed shortly by the rustle of stiff fabric as he, too, stood up. "Where are you--?"

"I've rested enough...let's get moving."

HR

For the rest of the day, they continued in much the same way; crossing the open desert as long as Kazuma could continue to place one foot in front of the other, stopping for a brief rest when the younger man began to tire. Of necessity, their progress was slow, and Ryuhou repeatedly cursed himself for Altering his jeep at the beginning of his last real battle with Kazuma all those years ago. If he still had the vehicle, they could have arrived at the village by noon—and reached the City by dusk. It...had been a foolish thing to do.

_But...I never really expected to survive that battle... I never expected either of us to survive..._

Ahead of him, Kazuma stumbled, falling onto his hands and knees. Ryuhou stopped behind him, waiting patiently for him to climb back onto his feet. The other man didn't move, however, bur remained where he had fallen, head down, dark, sweat-dampened hair plastered to his forehead, his arms visibly shaking as he tried to push himself back up...but couldn't. Unable to bear the sight of his long-time adversary humbled to such an extent, he crouched down beside the other, gently gripping Kazuma's arm as he helped the other man up.

Ryuhou expected Kazuma to pull away once he had regained his footing. Instead, the ailing Native simply looked at him, a vaguely puzzled expression on his face as if he didn't know who Ryuhou was, or why he had helped him...or even why they were out in the desert at all.

"We...should probably stop for the night," Ryuhou said after a moment, "The sun will be setting soon." When his companion only gazed blankly at him, Ryuhou guided Kazuma over to the side of the rock facing that lined the narrow valley they were currently passing through. Easing the other man to the ground, he draped his cloak over the thin shoulders before setting about making camp for them.

After the meager meal Ryuhou prepared for them, the former HOLY officer sat across from Kazuma, watching the other man. For the most part, his prisoner had been silent, staring dully into the small campfire that Ryuhou had built and was now feeding with the few bits of kindling that he'd managed to scrounge. Suddenly aware of eyes upon him, he glanced up, meeting his captive's one-eyed gaze.

"Ryuhou...?" Kazuma's expression was a study in bewilderment as he stared across the fire at the other man.

"Yes? What is it?"

There was a lengthy moment of silence, and just as Ryuhou glanced up again to see if his companion had fallen asleep or passed out again, the other man spoke.

"What are you doing here? Did the mainland attack again?"

Ryuhou blinked; was it really possible that Kazuma didn't remember why they were out here? Narrowing his eyes, he peered through the darkness at his captive, half-expecting to see the traces of that irritating grin the other man habitually wore...or _had_ worn the last time he had seen him. There was nothing, however; Kazuma seemed quite sincere in his question.

"No...nothing like that," Ryuhou began, hesitating a bit as he debated telling his companion the rest. "You destroyed a village...I'm...taking you back there, and then on to the City."

Now it was Kazuma's turn to blink, and his former rival looked as surprised as if this was the first time he'd heard this. "I...did?" he asked, "You're sure?"

Ryuhou nodded, "As sure as I can be without having witnessed it myself—the Alter the surviving villagers described...could only be you, but that's why I'm taking you back there first—to verify that you are the one responsible.

"Oh..." Taking off his jacket, Kazuma bundled it up before stuffing it up to serve for a pillow as he curled up in front of the campfire, tugging Ryuhou's cloak up over him. Again, he lapsed into silence, and Ryuhou thought he must have gone to sleep again when Kazuma surprised him by speaking again. "And what happens after that?" Oddly, the other man didn't sound as if he really cared what Ryuhou's answer might be. His voice held no traces of anger, only that unnerving resignation he'd displayed of late...and, perhaps, a vague, indifferent curiosity.

"I'm...going to take you to a hospital there," Ryuhou replied. "I won't let you hurt anyone else...and they might even be able to help you..."

Kazuma snorted, clearly finding the idea amusing. "No they won't," he said, shaking his head slightly. "There's nothing anybody can do to stop...this... and I don't want to spend what little time I got left in a fucking cage...I'd rather you just kill me now."

Frowning slightly, Ryuhou glanced over at the other man. "What are you talking about?"

Kazuma made another soft, snorting sound, but apparently had nothing else to say on the matter. Rolling over, he turned his back to the fire, and a few minutes later, the sound of soft snoring reached Ryuhou's ears, indicating that the other man had gone back to sleep.

HR

The next day was simply more of the same. More walking...more short rest breaks to allow Kazuma to regain a little of his failing strength...more silence from his captive. As they slowly made their way across the seemingly infinite wasteland, Ryuhou became increasingly alarmed at the other man's behavior. For the most part, Kazuma maintained the same indifferent silence that he had displayed ever since they had left the cavern. Occasionally, however, he would further mystify Ryuhou by his sudden lapses of memory, again questioning the older man as to why he was here, or where they were going. Once or twice, Kazuma didn't even appear to remember who Ryuhou was, and the almost childlike trust and acceptance of his company unnerved him most of all the other man's uncharacteristic behavior.

In all, the trip back to the ruined village took four days, instead of the three that it had taken Ryuhou to travel from the village to the cavern where he had finally tracked Kazuma. This was mostly due to the frequent stops they made to allow Kazuma a chance to rest and regain his strength...and the farther they traveled, the longer and more frequent those stops became. More and more, Ryuhou began to fear that the younger man might not make it to the village—much less to the City...and as much as he hated to admit it, the thought disturbed him. What could possibly be the cause of such a drastic physical and mental decline?

For the rest of the day, Ryuhou continued to turn the question over and over in his mind as they slowly crossed the desert. Kazuma, of course, offered no explanations, but doggedly persisted in moving under his own power as much as possible. Occasionally, he stumbled and would have fallen flat on his face had Ryuhou not reached out a hand to help steady him. Even Kazuma's former determination to never accept help from him had seemingly vanished, and he no longer pulled abruptly away from Ryuhou's steadying hand. Of course...he never offered even a word in the say of a thank you, either... That much, at least, hadn't changed.

Finally, four days after they had set out, the pair were at last drawing near to their destination. About a mile from the ruined village, Ryuhou called a brief halt. Sweeping his right arm out to one side, he summoned Zetsuei before turning back to face Kazuma, who stood in his habitual slouch, watching indifferently.

"I'm...going to have to restrain you now..."

Kazuma shrugged. "Why? I'm not gonna try to get away." There was no hint of protest or challenge in the younger man's demeanor, just that same, distant curiosity.

"I know," Ryuhou replied quickly, "It's...more for the villagers' benefit... They...might be frightened if I bring you in unbound... And they've suffered enough, Kazuma..."

Kazuma gazed dully down at the ground as he considered Ryuhou's words. After lengthy silence, he snapped his head up; his one working eye glowing like molten gold as he stabbed a glare at Ryuhou. "One condition," he growled, "Once they identify me, you take me out right then. No fucking around, Ryuhou. No going to the City...no hospital...no goddamned cage. Just...take me out."

Ryuhou's eyes widened, stunned by the other man's request. "Kazuma..." Gasping, he shook his head. "I...I couldn't... When you... You weren't...responsible--"

"Promise me, dammit!" Stumbling forward, Kazuma reached out, grabbing the front of Ryuhou's coat, his face only inches from his captors as he nearly fell against the former HOLY officer. "You promise me, or I swear I'll Alter and make you do it right now!"

Wide-eyed, Ryuhou stared at the other man, who glared back fiercely. He...knew that expression... At long last, the real Kazuma stood before him—weakened and ill though he might be, this was the man he knew—not that stranger from the cave. This was Kazuma...and his rival meant exactly what he said.

Closing his eyes, Ryuhou bowed his head, his voice barely above a whisper as he replied, "I...promise, Kazuma..." Even as he spoke the words, he felt a cold weight settle in his chest, his heart feeling as if it had been suddenly enshrouded in ice.

_Not like this, you bastard...It's...not fair... I never wanted it to turn out...like this..._

A rough, leather-sheathed hand caught Ryuhou's chin in a surprisingly gentle grip, forcing him to look up. Before him, Kazuma stood, a fain, almost gentle smile upon his lips and an expression of what looked like relief reflecting from the depths of his one working eye. "Thanks..." he said simply, "You'll...be doing me a favor, really..."

A sudden grin slanted across the younger man's face, and despite the ravages that his condition had wrought upon him, he once again resembled his former self as he reached up to pat Ryuhou playfully on the cheek before stepping back, that infuriating grin still firmly in place. "C'mon, Ryuhou...let's do this shit."

HR

A short time later, Ryuhou led his captive—now firmly, but not too tightly bound—into the village. The ruined buildings were no longer smoldering by this time, which only made the area look even more desolate and bereft of life than before. As they slowly picked their way through the debris, Ryuhou kept a steadying hand on Kazuma's shoulder; bound as he currently was, the younger man would have no chance of catching himself should he stumble. Although none of the villagers were in sight, occasionally Ryuhou would catch a brief flash of movement out of the corner of his eye, there and gone again before he could even turn his head. Apparently, they had posted sentries—some of the children, most likely—not too surprising, since in this weakened state, they would be vulnerable to any band of rogues who happened by. Not that there was much left to tempt thieves, at the moment.

Guiding his captive to the center of the village, they eventually reached a large structure that looked as if it had once been the town's central warehouse. Now, it seemed to serve as the main living quarters for the handful of inhabitants who were left. As he had surmised, the three adult survivors he had met on his previous visit stood waiting for him outside, apparently alerted by one or the other of the children peeking out at Kazuma and himself from behind the two women's skirts.

"Who's your friend, HOLY man?" the elderly Inner inquired, nodding his grizzled head in Kazuma's direction.

"From your description, I believe this man to be the Native Alter who destroyed your village," Ryuhou replied quietly, each word feeling like ground glass upon his tongue, leaving him almost surprised when the coppery taste of blood _didn't_ fill his mouth. _Why...? Why is this so difficult?_ "Can you verify this?"

The Inner moved slowly towards Kazuma, presumably to get a better look at the captive. To Ryuhou's surprise, the man's wizened features held no anger, no thirst for revenge, only...doubt.

From behind the man, the more outspoken of the two women snorted derisively. "No, that ain't him—your mission's not over yet, _HOLY_..."

The old man, however, wasn't so hasty. Hobbling over to the captive Native, he peered up at Kazuma, who gazed back impassively. After a long moment, the old man stepped back, sighing softly as he shook his head. "Fujiko's right...this isn't the one..."

By this time, the rest of the survivors had appeared, standing silently off to one side. Dumbfounded, Ryuhou's gaze swept over the small group, many of whom were now also shaking their heads in silent denial.

Stalking forward, the woman—Fujiko—likewise moved closer to Kazuma, her already sharp features twisting into a contemptuous sneer. "Not much to look at, is he?" she asked, "Looks like a strong wind'd knock him over... Nothing like the bastard who came through here." Turning away from Kazuma, she again faced Ryuhou. "The crazy who came through here was taller...not so scrawny and twisted as this one," she continued, jerking her head in Kazuma's direction. "Wasn't as scarred up as this one, either...and he had brown hair—not red."

Glancing over at his captive, Ryuhou's eyes narrowed suspiciously. Kazuma looked neither surprised nor relieved that the villagers had just cleared him. What the hell was going on here? As the other man turned slightly, catching Ryuhou's gaze, Kazuma merely shrugged before looking away again, offering him no answers...infuriating as always.


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: **I do not own s.CRY.ed, Kazuma, Kimishima, Ryuhou, or any of the other characters—I'm only borrowing them for awhile. The story alone is mine.

**Lost Ground, Lost Souls**

**Chapter 5**

Standing at the edge of the precipice, he gazed across the sterile landscape, his mind dropping down through the years, through the scattered fragments of memory, even as the rock face of the cliff he stood upon dropped down from the cloudless sky to the barren waste below.

_Rough, greedy palms rasped against the skin of his back, strong fingers curling, clutching, as he sank down...down into the heat that gripped him like a vise, flooding him with heat, with desire and bliss so intense that he wanted to fall, weeping, onto the strong, hard body beneath his own... Amber eyes that seemed to burn as they gazed up into his own...Lips that met his own with a promise of forever...lips that whispered promises they never intended to keep..._

So many scattered tatters, half-remembered images that vanished like smoke whenever he tried to grasp them. Images of love and lust, blood and pain, betrayal and loss all whirled like a maelstrom within his mind. Bitterness, dryer than the desert sand at his feet, filled him, fueling the rage that scorched him from within. He had lost... almost everything...or at least he thought he had. His memories—of loved ones, his former life, his identity...were almost completely lost to him now; the injuries he had suffered at the hands of his betrayer had left him with only fragments of who he once was. The only thing he had gained set him apart, made him a freak, a monster. It wasn't right—he shouldn't have to live like this...Not while the one who had done this to him lived without a care in the world.

A small, scuffling sound behind him caused him to spin around, a faint smile breaking across his face upon confronting the slender figure of a well-dressed, white-haired man, who approached, resting a gloved hand on his shoulder as he leaned in to claim a possessive kiss. "Are you all right, my pet?" Pale, almost colorless eyes gazed into his own with concern. "You've seemed rather...discontented lately... I hope you're not unhappy here with me?"

"No, of course not," he replied quickly, moving closer to the other man, his arms winding around his companion's neck. "It's just...I can't stand the thought of you living out here—like this—while the one who hurt you...who hurt us both is..."

Chuckling softly, the other man wrapped him in a tight embrace, pressing an affectionate kiss to his cheek. "It's not _so_ bad, is it?" he asked, a teasing smile curving his lips. Gesturing towards the tiny shack they had been living in for the past several weeks now, he continued, "While the accommodations might be less than grand...at least there are no nosy neighbors to annoy us, hm?"

Smiling brightly, the other man reached up to gently cup his cheek, "And...you're getting stronger every day, my dear—as you proved at that disgusting little village you destroyed for me a week or two ago..." Leaning in, the other pressed a gentle kiss to his forehead, "Try to be patient just a little longer, pet; it won't be much longer now...and soon, you'll be able to seek justice for both of us..."

The other man's smile became sly and teasing as a wicked hand moved down to grope between his legs, sending a shiver of pleasure rippling up along his spine. "And now... let's speak no more of unpleasant things..." Turning toward the hovel they shared, the white haired man extended a hand to him, "I think...devotion such as yours should be rewarded—don't you agree...Kimishima?"

Smiling, Kimishima moved forward, eagerly taking his lover's hand as the other man led him back inside. "Yes, Mujou-sama...if that is your wish..."

**XXX**

Sunset found the pair of former rivals a few miles to the north of the ruined village, camped out on the bank of a tiny oasis; the sparse fringe of scrub brush would provide at least some protection from the cold winds that swept the desert floor at night. Now that Kazuma had been cleared by the villagers, Ryuhou had no idea what to do with the other man. He was certainly no longer the former HOLY officer's prisoner, and if Kazuma chose to part company with him once more, Ryuhou would have had no right to stop him. For whatever reason, however, Kazuma had chosen to remain. Perhaps he had no more idea what to do with himself than Ryuhou did.

After building a small fire, Ryuhou busied himself with preparing the last of the dehydrated broth for their dinner. A few miles to the north there lay another village where he could probably restock his dwindling food supply. Hopefully, it would also contain something in the way of a bath house—God knows, he felt as if he could use one...and Kazuma was even more in need than he was... Glancing over at his companion, Ryuhou felt a faint scowl form over his features as a surge of illogical anger flared up within him. Damn it! He had been so sure that Kazuma had been guilty—every shred of evidence had pointed to it: the level of destruction, the other man's mental condition...his strange, uncharacteristic behavior, even the sketchy description the villagers had originally given him—all had seemed to point to his former rival as the culprit.

When the broth was ready, Ryuhou poured it out of the small pot over two bowls of rice that he'd prepared earlier, dividing it evenly. Standing up, he walked over to where Kazuma sat, once again seemingly withdrawn into his own thoughts. "You knew," Ryuhou said quietly, offering one of the bowl to the other man. "you knew that the villagers would clear you...didn't you?"

As he glanced up at Ryuhou a vaguely sheepish expression formed over Kazuma's features as he accepted the bowl. "I...wasn't entirely sure..." he confessed, "I mean... I didn't _think_ I did it...but...lately, my memory hasn't been so good..." Pausing a moment, he ladled a few spoonfuls of broth into his mouth. "I..._could've_ done it and not remembered... I just...wasn't sure..."

Lowering himself to the ground, Ryuhou sat across from the other man, silent as well as he took a few bites from his own bowl. "Then... why?" he asked finally, looking back at his companion, "Why did you agree to go back if you weren't sure...if you didn't think...?"

A soft, rasping chuckle rose from the other man. "I dunno...Maybe 'cause you were so damn sure it was me, you had me convinced as well..." Shaking his head, he took a few more bites of his food. After a long moment, he sighed softly, setting the bowl aside only half-emptied. "I...figured it coulda gone a couple of ways," he continued at last. "Either I really could've been guilty... or...the Inners would be so desperate to see _anyone_ swing for what happened, that they'd say it was me, whether it was or not..." A wry grin slanted across the ravaged features as Kazuma reached up to rub at the back of his head. "Guess I never figured on them actually clearing me."

Ryuhou gaped at the other man, his own spoon poised halfway between the bowl and his mouth for a moment before he slowly lowered it back into the bowl. "But why...? Why would you want that? And...why would you insist that I...?"

Snorting a laugh, Kazuma slid his half-empty bowl out of the way before stretching out on the ground, pillowing his head on one arm. "Better a quick, clean death than a slow, lingering one..." Glancing up at Ryuhou, the faintest trace of his old, infuriating grin clung to his lips as his eye slowly rolled shut, "You think so too...right?"

Again, that horrible feeling of cold dread settled in Ryuhou's chest as a suspicion too unpleasant to entertain tried to force itself to the forefront of his mind. Forcing it back, he shook his head stubbornly. "I...don't know what you're babbling on about..."

Again, Kazuma laughed, the younger man's voice sounding dry and brittle. "Look at me, Ryuhou... You know what's happening as well as I do." Opening his eye again, he gazed steadily up at the other man, the light from the fire casting a flickering, red-gold reflection onto the one working amber eye. "You want me to say it? Fine... I'll say it. I'm dying, Ryuhou."

Gasping softly, Ryuhou shook his head mutely. That...couldn't be right. Of course, Kazuma was very ill, but...he would recover—he always did, no matter how badly he'd been injured, and he always, _always_, bounced back, stronger than before. This time would be no different. Kazuma would recover. He _had _to. "Don't be ridiculous. You'll be fine."

"Stop it, you jackass."

The impatience in the other man's voice caused Ryuhou to look up, surprised. Across from him, Kazuma had partially risen, propping himself up on one elbow, the glow from the campfire still casting an almost demonic reflection onto his eye while leaving half of his face in shadow.

"You know it's true," he continued, his expression implacable, although his voice contained an uncharacteristic gentleness, "You know what happened to Cougar as well as I do...and you know what's happening to me, as well, even if you don't want to admit it."

At Kazuma's words, an image, not of Cougar, but of Commander Zigmar floated up to the surface of his consciousness. The first known Alter user, Martin Zigmar had appeared to be a man in his early forties, although by rights, he couldn't be more than just a few years older than Ryuhou. As a young HOLY officer, Ryuhou had never questioned the discrepancy, had never even given it a moment's though. But just before his and Kazuma's final battle with Mujou Kyouji, his commander had goaded him into a fight, pushing Ryuhou to extend his own power, to achieve that final, total melding with his Alter that would allow him not only to survive, but to triumph. During the fight, Commander Zigmar had begun to age rapidly, and afterwards, Ryuhou had knelt beside the fallen figure who no longer appeared as a man in his prime, but an aged, brittle relic, consumed by his own Alter.

_Just like...Kazuma..._

Glancing up, Ryuhou's eyes widened as he found Kazuma regarding him evenly, the other man's lips curved into a knowing smile. Nodding as if satisfied, he again lowered himself to the ground. "Don't know what you're so upset for," he grumbled, once more allowing his eye to drift closed. "I'd of thought you'd be happy about it..."

Lowering his own gaze, Ryuhou shook his head even though his companion couldn't see the gesture. "You...know that's not true..." he murmured, "Not now..not anymore..."

"No?" Again, that irritating grin twitched at the corners of Kazuma's mouth as the other man once more pillowed his head on his arm. "Hn... maybe not..."

Several minutes passed, and when Kazuma didn't speak again, Ryuhou assumed that his companion had fallen asleep. Once again, however, the other man surprised him.

"Suppose this means you won't keep your end of our deal now, huh?"

To his surprise, Ryuhou felt the faint beginning of an answering smile tug at the corners of his lips. "Why should I, when you didn't keep up your end?"

Snorting a laugh, Kazuma shrugged. "Bastard...I think you just like watching me suffer..."

"That's not true!" Ryuhou retorted, the vehemence in his own voice surprising him as much—possibly even more—than it did his companion. Scowling slightly, he glanced off to the side, "I get no pleasure from your condition, Kazuma...and...I still think that the doctors in the City might be able to help you..."

"Yeah?" Kazuma arched an eyebrow as he glanced over at Ryuhou, who nodded encouragingly. "Yes, I do."

The other man was silent for a long moment, and Ryuhou had almost begun to believe that he'd convinced the other man when Kazuma shrugged again before rolling onto his side, facing away from the former HOLY officer. "And what the fuck makes you think I _want_ any help?"

Although Ryuhou waited some time for Kazuma to speak again, the other man said no more. After several minutes, the sound of uneven snoring rose from the other man, and the former HOLY officer was once more left alone with his thoughts.

**XXX**

Walking...he was...walking...

Behind him, ahead of him, was nothing but infinite miles of empty desert. Above him, only the unforgiving sun. On his back, a weight so heavy that he could barely keep from sinking to his knees. A weight that only got heavier with the passage of each monotonous year. How long had he been struggling under this burden now? He didn't know; all he knew was that if he didn't find a way back, and soon, the burden he bore would crush him.

And so he continued his endless trek, seeking that place that existed somewhere at the crossroads of Time and Fate, somewhere before the vanishing point. If he could run fast enough, run through time as well as space, he knew he could find it. Find that point where he could turn back the clock; where he could give the finger to the Fates, those fucking bitches, and re-channel the world into the path it _should_ have taken...if only the universe were run by sane people.

Glancing up, a faint scowl formed on his face as he saw what looked like the mouth of a cave not too far in the distance. Over the years, he had crossed and recrossed this section of the wasteland on countless occasions, and he had never noticed a cave in this area before. He hadn't simply overlooked this one, either—it hadn't _been_ there...until now. Perhaps...this was the place he had been looking for? The place where he could finally set his burden down..could finally set things back to rights... It was almost too much to hope for, indeed, he had long since ceased to hope—or so he had thought... Nevertheless, he quickened his footsteps, breaking into a shambling half-run as he crossed the arid landscape. He was so...weary, and could barely keep to his feet, but he wouldn't let himself fall. Not now, when he was so close.

Finally, he reached the mouth of the cave, stumbling through the opening into the blessedly cool interior, unscorched by the unforgiving sun. After laying down his precious burden, he reached out with trembling fingers to caress the still, pale face, the familiar features blurring and shimmering as his own eyes filled with tears. It...hadn't worked. This place held no magic, after all.

"Kimishima..." he whispered, "Please...wake up..."

The motionless figure on the ground remained motionless, however. Although he had lowered his burden to the ground, he again felt its weight crushing down on his back, pressing him down flat onto the cave's rough stone floor. Collapsing beside his lover's body, his fingers clawed at the stone surface as he gasped for breath. He'd...been a fool to hope... there was no such thing as magic...no way to turn back the clock...no redemption and no absolution. There was only loss and pain and grief...and the tremendous weight that continued to bear down relentlessly upon him, driving the breath from his body and forcing tears from eyes that he'd believed had run dry years ago.

"Kazuma, what are you laying around for? Get up!"

The voice was as warm and affectionate as he remembered. Still contained the same hint of laughter that never failed to make his heart feel light and to bring a smile to his own lips. Even now, he could feel the corners of his lips twitching upwards, but he firmly suppressed the urge, shaking his head instead.

"No... I got no reason to get up...not anymore...I'm...tired..."

Beside him, he heard a soft rustle of movement, and then strong, gentle arms encircled him, lifting him and cradling him against a warm, solid body.

"You're not acting like yourself...again..." The voice was gentle as always, yet relentless. "The Kazuma I know would never just give up like this."

As a gentle caress soothed over his face, he finally opened his eyes to meet the warm brown ones that gazed down into his own. "But...if I get up...you'll make me leave again..." His hands crawled up over his lover's chest, weakly clutching at the lapels of the other man's jacket. "I don't want to leave you again... I...want to stay here...with you..."

Kimishima's arms tightened around him, holding him close, and the weary youth nestled his head in the curve of one broad shoulder, a soft sigh escaping his lips. Slowly, arms like lead weights lifted to twine themselves around his lover's shoulders. "Don't...send me away again, 'Shima... Let me stay..."

Soft lips brushed over his temple. "Hey...it's not easy for me either, you know..." Kimishima replied, "But...as much as I'd like to keep you here with me... You're not finished yet, Kazuma... There's more for you to do...out there."

Scowling, Kazuma shook his head, "There's nothing...I've done everything you asked, 'Shima. There's nothing else...and...I'm so fucking tired..."

"I know...you're worn out..." his lover replied, his voice still gentle, but firm as if he were speaking to a willful, but much-loved child. "But it's just for a little longer...and...you know...it's not like I ever really left you..."

"I know...but it's not the same. I want to see you...touch you again..."

"You will, Kazuma... I promise..."

**XXX**

Ryuhou awoke to the sound of muffled weeping. Frowning slightly, he sat up, peering through the darkness towards the restless figure that lay on the other side of the now-dwindling campfire. Standing up, he moved to poke the dying embers back to life before adding more kindling. That done, he continued on to crouch next to the still-sleeping man.

In the faint glow of the firelight, he could see the soft shimmer of tears as they tracked their way down Kazuma's cheeks, and he again heard a whispered plea to the mysterious Shima pass from the other man's lips. Absently, he reached out to brush sweat-dampened hair out of Kazuma's eyes. It was...odd...how the other man's words had affected him earlier; how his rival's matter-of-fact announcement had...disturbed him. True, he and Kazuma had been rivals and enemies for a long time, but he had long since ceased to wish the other Alter user any real harm. In fact, he had almost gotten used to the other man, and annoying as Kazuma could be, there was still something...comforting in the simple knowledge that the other existed. Despite their differences, there was no one else who knew him better, and as long as Kazuma lived, he would never be alone.

But apparently, that was about to change.

_No...I won't let that happen...I won't let you die...No matter what, I'll find some way to save you, Kazuma...whether you want me to or not..._

A small movement drew Ryuhou's attention, causing him to look down at Kazuma—who was now looking up at him, apparently wide awake. The former HOLY officer opened his mouth to apologize for disturbing his companion, or explain that the other man had been having a nightmare...or even to ask if he needed anything. What came out, however, was nothing that he had intended to ask.

"Kazuma... Who is Kimishima?"

The mention of the name drew a sharp gasp from the other man, and for a long moment, Kazuma was silent until Ryuhou began to wonder if the other man had heard him...or if he had somehow misunderstood what his companion had said while in the grip of his dreams.

Finally, however, Kazuma responded by again rolling over onto his side, facing away from Ryuhou. "That's...none of your damn business..."

**XXX**

The next day, the pair reached the mid-sized market village where he hoped to resupply for the remainder of their journey—although, as of yet, Ryuhou had no idea as to where their final destination might be. The village was large enough to not only allow him to restock their supplies, but to support a small inn as well. As they hadn't yet decided on a destination, this would be a good place to break their journey for a few days. Given a few days of rest and regular meals, perhaps Kazuma's condition would improve, and they could then decide what to do.

Upon inquiring at the inn, Ryuhou was able to secure a room for them for a week. At present, they had the place almost entirely to themselves; as harvest was still several weeks away, only the locals were populating the market. Once they had been installed in their room, Ryuhou located the inn's bath house and indulged himself in a long, hot soak. After weeks spent out in the open desert, bathing only when he had been able to find a small stream or oasis, a real bath was an almost sinful luxury. After he had finished, he arranged with the innkeeper to have his few changes of clothing cleaned, and for dinner to be sent up to their room.

When he finally returned, Ryuhou found Kazuma sound asleep on one of the beds, loud snores rising from the sleeping figure. Smiling faintly, he approached the bed where his companion lay before leaning down and reaching out to brush tousled hair back from the sleeper's face. After gazing down at the other man for a few moments, he turned away, heading over to the other bed to stretch out for a few minutes while he waited for their dinner to be brought up.

A few hours later, after they had eaten, and after Kazuma had returned from taking his own bath, both men lay stretched out on the two beds. Despite the waning of the sun, the faint glow of the hall light that seeped in through the crack under the door cast enough light for each man to see the other. Although Kazuma still looked quite ill, Ryuhou couldn't help but think that his companion looked at least a little better after his bath and the hot meal they had just finished. Once again, the hope that after a few days of rest and regular meals, the younger man would begin to recover sprang up within him. And once Kazuma's body began to recover...perhaps that disturbing indifference to his own condition would begin to fade as well.

"So...what's the plan?" Kazuma asked suddenly, turning slightly to look over at the other man.

Glancing over at Kazuma, Ryuhou offered his companion a faint, almost sheepish smile that seemed vaguely disturbing when arranged over the other man's features. "I...don't really have one," he admitted. "I thought we'd just rest here for a few days and restock our supplies...maybe by the time we're ready to leave, we'll have some idea where to go next..."

Nodding, Kazuma turned his gaze up to the ceiling, seemingly losing himself in his own thoughts. After a lengthy silence, a faint smile tugged at his lips. "This isn't a bad place... I...wouldn't mind staying here...for awhile..."

Ryuhou blinked, somewhat surprised by the statement. Kazuma had never seemed to prefer one place over another—what few ties he had, had always been with people, not places. Still...it was the first time since he had encountered the other man at the cavern that Kazuma had expressed a desire for...well...for anything, and Ryuhou hadn't the heart—or the desire—to refuse him.

"If you like," he agreed, "There should be no problem keeping the room for another week or so, if we decide to stay that long."

"I...don't think I want to leave...ever..." Kazuma murmured, smiling faintly up at the ceiling. "The people here seem pretty nice...and earlier, while you were out, I could hear kids...laughing and playing outside." Turning his head, he glanced over at Ryuhou, his smile seeming fragile, and somehow ethereal, as if he were already at least halfway removed from this world already. "It...was a good sound, Ryuhou..." he continued, "If I could have my way...that'd be the last sound I ever hear..."

"Kazuma..." Ryuhou had no idea what to say to the other man, none at all. Kazuma didn't seem to expect—or even want—his sympathy; the other man seemed quite resigned, even content, with his own approaching death. So...what _did_ he want from Ryuhou?

The unspoken question was answered a moment later when Kazuma cast an almost worried glance over at the former HOLY officer. "You'll...stay too?" he asked, his voice almost childlike in its uncertainty, "I...don't think I'll hold you up for very long..."

Ryuhou winced visibly at the younger man's words. Did Kazuma have any idea how much these repeated references to his impending death stung? Probably not...whatever other changes had so altered the younger man...Kazuma was still thicker than reinforced concrete at times.

"Yes...I'll stay...as long as you want me to..."

"Thanks..." Kazuma's smile was both warm and grateful as he met Ryuhou's gaze. "Well...guess I'll turn in now..." he said suddenly, sliding down a little to lie back against the pillows. "Kinda...tired now..." he mumbled, curling up onto his side. "Night..."

Ryuhou knew that he shouldn't say anything, that he should just let the other man sleep, but...he couldn't let it go. Kazuma...had always flirted with death...but before, he had usually done so in order to gain something, or protect someone. But now...the younger man seemed almost eager for that final, cold embrace...like a lover hurrying to a long-awaited tryst.

"Why...?" he whispered, "Why have you just given up? Why aren't you fighting it?"

Kazuma didn't reply at first, and after several minutes had passed, Ryuhou assumed that the other man didn't intend to respond at all. Finally, however, his companion sighed and propped himself up on one elbow, gazing through the near darkness to where Ryuhou reclined. "Why? There's nothing for me here... not anymore... not...for a long time, now..."

"Nothing here for you?" Ryuhou repeated, dumbfounded, "What about Kanami? Don't you care about her at all anymore?"

"Of course I do! But...Kanami has her own life now... I'd just get in the way of that... She doesn't really need me anymore...she never needed me at all, really..." Pausing a moment, he lowered his gaze, glaring at the floor, "Besides...do you really think I want her to see me like this?"

"I don't think that would matter to her."

"Maybe not, but it matters to me."

"Hn... well I see you haven't lost any of your pride, at least," Ryuhou replied dryly, arching an eyebrow skeptically at the other man, "Although I would have thought someone so resigned to his fate would have given up on such...ahh...worldly considerations?"

Kazuma blinked, then glared at his companion, and finally, a faint, somewhat grudging grin tugged at the corners of his lips. "Aww... blow me, you prick."

Ryuhou chuckled at that; this sounded a little more like the man he remembered. "I'm flattered...but...you're not really my type..."

Kazuma blinked, gaping at the other man in disbelief. "Did...you just make a joke?" he asked, propping himself up on his elbow again as he peered across the space separating them, his eye widening slightly in mock-alarm. "Damn...that must mean the apocalypse is closer than I thought..."

Now it was Ryuhou's turn to blink for a moment before a faint, uncertain smile tugged at his lips. "Surely it's not _that_ rare an occurrence?"

Kazuma chuckled, shaking his head a little. "I dunno...Don't think _I've_ ever heard you make a joke before."

"Perhaps if you had stopped trying to tear up half the Lost Ground for a few minutes, you might have."

"Hey! I wasn't trying to tear up the Lost Ground! I was _trying_ to get rid of HOLY!"

"Whatever..."

"Feh...you're still an obnoxious prick, Ryuhou..."

"And _you're_ still an ignorant, loud-mouthed punk."

Across the narrow gulf separating them, the two men glared at each other. After a long moment, however, both began to chuckle, then to laugh outright. Whatever else might happen, it was good to know that some things would never change.

As their laughter died away and they fell into an almost companionable silence, Ryuhou glanced over at Kazuma, a faint smile still clinging to his lips. There was still a great deal that he didn't understand about Kazuma and what had happened to him; about why he was acting the way he was, why he had simply...given up on everything. Of all the changes he had discovered in the other man, that was the most disturbing. As his gaze met his companion's, he felt the smile fade from his lips. "Kazuma...what...what happened to you?"

Shaking his head, Kazuma snorted a laugh, his glaze slipping away from Ryuhou's. "You already know what's happened..."

"That's not what I mean...Why have you just...given up? That's not like you."

Hitching in a shaky breath, Kazuma winced. Sitting up, he leaned back against the headboard, drawing his legs up and hugging them to his chest. Resting his chin atop his knees, he gazed dully towards the foot of his bed, releasing a heavy sigh. "You sound like Kimishima...and neither one of you knows what the fuck you're talking about..."

Although the mention of Kimishima's name piqued Ryuhou's interest, he didn't press his companion for any more information, but simply arched an eyebrow as he gazed silently at the other man. After a few moments, Kazuma glanced over at him, his gaze locking upon the former HOLY officer's for several seconds before he again looked away.

"Shima...was my partner," he said at last, "And my best friend..." Pausing a moment, he closed his eye, drawing in another shuddering breath, "I...guess you'd say we were lovers, too... He's dead now... Those bastards in HOLD killed him, right before you and I brought on the second upheaval during our little...catfight... He never hurt anyone...but they killed him...because he was too close to me..."

As the other man spoke, Ryuhou listened, sympathy swelling within him. He knew what it was like to lose someone close to him. Images of his mother...his father...Shireece...all floated before his eyes. So many people, so many friends...lost now. Yes...he knew first-hand the pain of loss...and the guilt of survival. Swinging his legs over the side of the bed, Ryuhou stood up. Crossing the narrow gulf between them, he sat down on the edge of the other man's bed. As Kazuma looked up at him, Ryuhou could see the faint shimmer of tears that filled the one working eye.

"He's dead..." Kazuma whispered, "It's my fault...and...after that...after everything was over... I..just didn't give a fuck about anything... Still don't, really..."

"Kazuma..."

Despite the changes Kazuma's condition had wrought in the other's appearance, the scarred face before him looked almost childlike in the dim light. Childlike...and lost. Barely aware of what he was doing, Ryuhou reached up, gently cupping the other man's cheek in the palm of his hand. "Kazuma..." he said again, "I'm sorry...for you loss..." Although he meant them, the words seemed somehow empty to Ryuhou, an inadequate expression of his sympathy, of his desire to ease his former rival's pain. In the end, words were useless things.

Closing his eyes, Ryuhou leaned forward slightly, his arms wrapping around the shrunken, twisted body as his lips sought out Kazuma's in the darkness. He felt the other man stiffen in his arms, heard, as well as felt, the sharp intake of breath between the lips pressed against his own. Tightening his arms slightly around the other man, he pressed his mouth a little more firmly against Kazuma's, one hand sliding up over the other man's back until it tangled in the long strands of grey-shot auburn.

Ryuhou was as surprised by his own actions as Kazuma was. Of course, there had always been that strange connection between them, even when they first met and Ryuhou had believed Kazuma to be nothing more than just another Native Alter thug who had to be contained before he and his kind destroyed the Lost Ground. That strange feeling—part recognition, part...obsession...that the other man was not only _like_ himself, but was in some unfathomable way _part_ of himself. A part that he had long ago rejected, but which still refused to go away entirely.

Over time, he'd come to understand his rival a little better—first by seeing him through Kanami's eyes during the time that his own memories had been lost to him, and later, over the three months that he and Kazuma had spent almost constantly in each other's company while they fought off the Mainland's repeated attempts to reclaim the Lost Ground. During that time, Ryuhou learned something of his companion's past—albeit, not much—and had come to understand at least some of his motivations. Still...even during those times, the most he had ever felt for his companion was understanding and a grudging respect...not this almost overwhelming sympathy which caused him to reach out to the other, and certainly not this odd desire to...protect the other man. Where had _that_ come from? He wasn't sure; all he knew was that he felt it...and that the warmth pressed against him, the lips meeting his own seemed somehow...right.

After a few moments, Ryuhou felt Kazuma relax against him, the thin, wiry arms rising to encircle his shoulders as the younger man's lips parted invitingly against his own. Despite the fact that he had started this, Ryuhou was far from being an expert at this sort of thing...and wasn't quite sure how to proceed. Fortunately, Kazuma soon took over and Ryuhou felt a warm, slick tongue insinuate itself between his own lips, invading the interior of his mouth, and the former HOLY officer suddenly felt warm and almost lightheaded. A feeling which only intensified as the other man shifted beside him, laying back against the pillows as his hand clutched at Ryuhou's shirt, tugging the older man down as well.

Feeling almost giddy, Ryuhou surrendered himself to the kiss, his lips moving hungrily against Kazuma's own, over the angles of the other man's face, the permanently closed eyelid. His hands, equally hungry, dipped underneath the material of Kazuma's shirt, caressing over warm, still slightly feverish skin, and he felt the other man's hands likewise tugging at his own shirt; rough, calloused palms rasping over his own back and shoulders; moist, heated lips moving over the side of his neck, his shoulder, warm breath steaming against his skin.

Panting softly, Ryuhou pushed himself up, his body hovering over Kazuma's as he gazed down at the other man for a long moment. Beneath him, Kazuma laid with his head turned to one side, his hair spilling over his cheek, obscuring his face. In the near darkness, Ryuhou could barely discern the rise and fall of his companion's chest, but he could clearly hear the other man's breathing, as uneven and labored as his own. Bracing himself with one hand, he pushed Kazuma's shirt up over his chest with the other before leaning down to engulf one erect nipple with his mouth.

Although Ryuhou had little idea what he was doing, the sharp gasp, and the way the other man arched against him let the green-haired man know that he was definitely doing something right. For the next few minutes, he lavished attention on first one nipple, then the other, swirling his tongue over and around the tiny nubs of flesh before breaking away to drag his tongue along the scars that criss-crossed Kazuma's chest and side, reveling in the gasps and soft moans that erupted from his companion. Pressing his lips against Kazuma's skin, he trailed heated kisses up along one of the scars that ran over the other Alter's chest leading up to his shoulder, a small smile curving his lips as he felt the other's hands once more entangle themselves in his hair.

"Thought...I wasn't your type..."

Chuckling softly, Ryuhou sat up on his knees, gazing down at Kazuma for a moment. "You're not," he replied, stripping the other man's shirt off over his head, "But...I don't have anything else better to do right now..."

While Kazuma struggled for a scathing response, Ryuhou reached down, fumbling with the fastenings of the other man's pants before pushing them down over his hips and finally stripping them off entirely. By this point, his own body felt hot and flushed, and he was aware of a restless stirring in his own lower extremeties, but he ignored his own desires for now. Kazuma's needs outweighed his own, and the other man's weakened state forbade anything much more strenuous than the comfort he aimed to provide.

Leaning down, he gathered Kazuma into his arms, cradling the other man across his lap. Brushing kisses over his face and throat, he allowed his hand to move lower, caressing over sensitive flesh. Kazuma's head fell back onto Ryuhou's shoulder, and the older man felt his companion shudder against him, a low, liquid moan rising from his throat as he began to respond to Ryuhou's attentions. Almost fascinated, he watched the subtle play of expression that flickered over the other man's face.

Ryuhou leaned down, his lips once more capturing Kazuma's in a deep, heated kiss. More confident now, he slid his tongue into the recesses of the other man's mouth, savoring the spicy taste that was uniquely Kazuma. Before long, Kazuma's hands once again ascended, and Ryuhou felt the other man's fingers tangle in his hair, the wasted body tensing, trembling, as Kazuma arched up against him. The younger man's mouth worked soundlessly as a violent shudder wracked his body before he once more relaxed, slumping back against Ryuhou. Gathering Kazuma into his arms, Ryuhou held the other man close, brushing gentle, soothing kisses over his hair and face. Sighing softly, Kazuma turned in his arms, curling up against Ryuhou, his head pillowed on the older man's shoulder.

"Why...?"

"I...don't know, really..." Ryuhou replied, a somewhat sheepish smile forming upon his lips as he gazed down at the other man. "I guess...you just looked like you needed it..."

In truth, Ryuhou wasn't quite sure why he had done what he'd done. It had started as an attempt to comfort his long-time rival, but somewhere along the line, things had changed to a desire to bring his companion pleasure. He knew _what_ had happened...what he didn't know was _why._

"Yeah? Hn..." Kazuma snorted a short laugh, a wide yawn splitting his face as he nuzzled wearily into Ryuhou's shoulder. "Maybe I did..."

**XXX**

Hours later, Kazuma lay awake, still curled up close to Ryuhou and listening to the soft sounds of the sleeping man's breathing, feeling the gentle rise and fall of his chest beneath his cheek. He still didn't understand why Ryuhou had done what he had...or why he had allowed the other man to do so. It had been pleasurable, of course...and it had been...a long time since he had been touched in such a way...in a way that he'd never expected to be touched again...and he wasn't quite sure how he felt about it. Of course, it had felt good, but that very fact also made him feel somewhat guilty, as if he'd been unfaithful. What right did he have to feel such pleasure when Kimishima...

Sighing, he huddled closer to Ryuhou, burying his face in the side of the other man's neck. How could he have allowed this to happen—and with someone who had once been part of the organization responsible for Shima's death? True, Ryuhou himself hadn't been responsible...but at that time, he had still been a part of it. So...why was he here now, naked, curled up against his former enemy...and thinking about the next time they could lay together like this?

For that matter, why was he still here with Ryuhou in the first place? After the villagers had cleared him, there was really no reason for him to stay. But...it was too much effort to make the decision to leave...and it really didn't matter where he went, anyway...so...here was as good a place as any.

Of course, Ryuhou was still a smug, self-righteous asshole...but oddly enough, the other man didn't seem nearly as annoying as he remembered. Strangest of all, Kazuma now found the ex-HOLY officer's presence somehow...comforting—especially now. He knew his time was running out; every day, he could feel himself winding down a little more, like an old watch. And although he had never feared death, still, it was kinda...nice...to know that, when the time came, he wouldn't have to face it alone. So...it wasn't so wrong, was it? To simply want the comfort of a warm body next to his own for the time he had left—that was okay—wasn't it? Just a little companionship...a little pleasure...before the last of his life ran out... Wouldn't that be okay...? Even if his...bedmate...was an old enemy? Did that even matter anymore?

Confused, and still more than a little disturbed by what had happened between them, Kazuma finally decided not to worry about it any longer—for tonight at least. For tonight, he would simply accept what had been offered and let the next day take care of itself. Closing his eye, he rolled over, facing Ryuhou and draping one arm over the other man's waist. Burying his face in Ryuhou's chest, he inhaled deeply of the other man's scent, finding an odd comfort in his rival's presence as he allowed the sound of soft breathing and a strong, steady heartbeat to lull him to sleep.

**XXX**

**A/N: **Thanks to all of you who have been reading and reviewing so far—I really appreciate your comments!


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: **Okay...from this chapter on, things are going to get a little weird... Hn... probably a **_lot _**weird. Also, this chapter has been heavily butchered—er—edited for content due to the idiotic rules of the Powers That Be. If you wish to read the unedited version, go to AFFN.

Thanks again to all of you who read and review!

**Lost Ground, Lost Souls**

**Chapter 6**

By the end of the week, Ryuhou was able to perceive a definite improvement in Kazuma's condition: the younger man seemed to be a little stronger now, no longer tired as easily or as often as he had during their journey. Of course, he was still a long way from a full recovery, but he was at least strong enough to occasionally accompany Ryuhou when he went out to run one errand or another. There had been other changes as well...Kazuma seemed...happier now, more at peace. The younger man smiled more now, and didn't seem as witdrawn or indifferent as he had before. He took more of an interest in his surroundings, and in the day-to-day activities of village life going on around him. The changes in his companion, small as they might be, had given Ryuhou hope. This place was good for the younger Alter, and as Kazuma seemed to feel at home here, Ryuhou decided that perhaps he should provide the other man with a real home: something neither of them had had for a very long time.

Having kept their room at the inn for a second week, the former HOLY officer had ample time to effect his plan. The first step was to find a reasonably reliable vehicle to allow him a bit more mobility. As the village was a prosperous one, this fortunately proved to be easier than he had hoped, and after a single day of searching, he was able to find a small jeep similar to his old one.

That...had been a good day. When he had returned to the inn with his prize, he had gone up to the room to get Kazuma and had taken his companion out for a ride into the desert, where they had parked to watch the sunset and consume the small picnic lunch that Ryuhou had purchased for them in the village. As the last vestiges of light faded from the sky, the pink, orange and violet hues deepening to a velvety indigo, Ryuhou had reached out for the other man, pulling Kazuma close as his lips sought out his companion's for a deep, passionate kiss, which the other man returned with equal enthusiasm. A good day, indeed.

Of course...not all the days were so good. Kazuma was still quite ill, and there were days when the younger man could barely move—or even get out of bed in the morning. On those days, Ryuhou would stay home, torn between wanting to take care of and comfort the other man...and wanting to beat him senseless for being such a pain in the ass. And then he would feel guilty for becoming annoyed with his companion when he was obviously still so ill.

And then there were other days...days when Kazuma was able to get up and move around with relative ease, but seemed somehow...lost. Days when Kazuma would look at Ryuhou with no sign of recognition in the clouded amber eyes. Days when he seemed to have forgotten the past few weeks entirely or seemed to believe he was back in his own past, somewhere during the time he had been living with Kanami; sometime before the events leading up to his first encounter with HOLY. A time when he had been happy...and relatively innocent.

Those were the hardest days for Ryuhou to face. It was bad enough to see the once vital man physically weakened to such an extent, but seeing his former rival reduced to such a childlike, dependent state was almost unbearable. On those days, the former HOLY member stayed close as well, afraid that if he strayed far from Kazuma, the younger man would wander off, and Ryuhou would return to find only an empty room.

For the most part, however, the good—or at least tolerable—days outnumbered the bad, and within a relatively short time, Ryuhou was able to put his plan into effect. The hardest part, of course, had been keeping it a secret from Kazuma. Of course, his companion knew that something was up—with Ryuhou going out for long periods of time every day, he could hardly fail to notice, after all. As Ryuhou wanted his gift to be a surprise, however, he responded to Kazuma's almost relentless questions with only the comment that he would find out once everything was ready.

Looking back, it had been too easy—almost frighteningly so—to accomplish his purpose, but by the end of the week, he had found and purchased a modest sized house on a small parcel of land, far enough away from the center of things to allow for privacy when they desired it, but near enough that they weren't totally isolated. Not only that; he had also managed to gather enough furniture together to make the place habitable. What repairs needed to be made were, for the most part, simple enough for him to do himself; the few he couldn't handle, he hired out to a few of the skilled laborers in the village.

While the repairs were being made, they'd had to stay another two weeks at the inn, but finally, by the end of the fourth week, everything was ready. Returning from the house where he'd just finished making a final check to ensure that all was in readiness, he parked the jeep outside the inn. As he climbed out of the vehicle, a small smile lit his face at the sight of Kazuma, a little dusty and disheveled, playing ball with several of the village children. Although it was a welcome sight to see his companion smiling and laughing as well as taking an interest in things again, Ryuhou couldn't help being a little concerned as well. Kazuma was still weak and far from well, and he was afraid the younger man would exhaust himself.

As Ryuhou moved towards the group, Kazuma happened to glance up, a bright smile breaking over his face as he spotted the other man. Leaving his companions, he jogged up to Ryuhou—who struggled to hide his concern upon seeing how out of breath the younger Alter was.

"Hey... you're back!"

Smiling faintly, Ryuhou nodded, "Yes..." Reaching out, he lightly gripped Kazuma's shoulder, "I'm sorry to break up your game...but it's time to leave now. Go on up to the room and get your things. I'll be up in a minute, after I've settled our bill."

"We're...leaving?" A slight frown furrowed the younger man's brow as he blinked up at Ryuhou. "But I thought..."

"We're only leaving the inn," Ryuhou assured him, "And we're not going far."

"Then where...?"

Reaching up, Ryuhou gently caressed Kazuma's cheek. "You'll see in a few minutes," he promised, "Like I said, it's not far...Now, go on; I'll be up in a minute.."

Still frowning a little, Kazuma looked up at Ryuhou for a long moment. Finally, he nodded and then turned, heading back to the inn, occasionally pausing to glance back at Ryuhou, his confusion evident as he slowly moved across the yard before disappearing through the door.

**XXX**

"Well...?" Ryuhou asked, a trifle nervously as he watched Kazuma slowly make his way from room to room within the small bungalow. "Do you like it?"

Dazedly, Kazuma lifted his gaze to meet Ryuhou's, his head nodding slowly in the affirmative, "Yeah...it's great, Ryuhou... but...I don't get it..." Glancing around the kitchen where they currently stood, he gesture vaguely at their surroundings, "Why all this? I mean, the inn was fine..."

Smiling, Ryuhou moved toward the other man, his arms wrapping around Kazuma as he pulled his former rival into a gentle embrace. "Well...you seemed to like this village so much," he murmured, nuzzling his cheek against the younger man's. "I...just thought it might be nice to have a place of our own..." Pausing a moment, he pressed a kiss to Kazuma's cheek. "So..._do_ you like the idea?"

Kazuma nodded slowly, although the frown never left his face. "Yeah...sure I do, but... I dunno...it seems like a lot of trouble to go through...considering I...probably don't have a whole lot longer.

Ryuhou couldn't help but be a little disheartened by the other man's somewhat lukewarm reception of his gift...and the fact that Kazuma still seemed to be intent on dying...on leaving him...Getting angry or impatient with the ailing man would serve no purpose, however—and as he quickly reminded himself, Kazuma _was_ still quite ill. The younger man had also improved, however—perhaps he simply didn't realize how much better he was now.

"Well...for the time you have left, then," Ryuhou replied, trying to keep his tone light. Forcing a smile, he pressed another kiss to his companion's cheek before pulling back. "Come on, you haven't even seen the bedroom yet. You can rest there for a bit while I make us something to eat." Taking Kazuma's hand into his own, he gave the other man's fingers a gentle squeeze as he led his companion further back into the house.

**XXX**

After dinner, Ryuhou took heart as despite his earlier remark, Kazuma seemed to be in good spirits. During their stay in the village, the younger man had regained something of his prodigous appetite—and now that they had removed to their own place, that hadn't changed...and Ryuhou watched with some satisfaction as his companion enthusiastically polished off a second helping of the simple stir-fry he had prepared.

With the other man in such a good mood, Ryuhou thought that this might be as good a time as any to broach the second part of his plan. During a lull in the conversation, he glanced up at the other man, "Kazuma..." he began hesitantly, "I've been thinking...about...your condition..."

Halting the almost relentless shovelling of food from his plate to his mouth for a moment, Kazuma paused, his laden chopsticks poised halfway between. Looking over at his companion, the younger raised an eyebrow. "Yeah?"

Taking a deep breath, Ryuhou pressed on, "Well...I still think your condition isn't as hopeless as you think..." Raising a hand as the other man opened his mouth to protest, Ryuhou cut him off, "Please, just hear me out."

"I already told you, I don't want any fucking cages or any fucking hospitals. I just want to enjoy what time I got left..."

Slamming his own chopsticks down onto the table, Ryuhou glared across the table at the other Alter. "Damn it! Will you just listen to me, Kazuma? I'm not talking about putting you in a hospital!"

Kazuma scowled back across the table at Ryuhou, but after a lengthy pause, he shrugged. "Go on..."

Somewhat mollified, Ryuhou continued, "Well... you remember Tachibana?" At the other man's brief nod, he added, "Well, his Alter has other aspects than just mind-control, you know. It has healing abilities as well.

With a soft grunt, Kazuma went back to inhaling his dinner, "Yeah... so?"

Pushing back his own impatience, Ryuhou reminded himself that in all likelihood, Kazuma wasn't really _trying_ to be an annoying, obnoxious jerk...the other man had simply been one for so long that it was second nature to him now. "So..." he continued, forcing a faint smile, "I think he might be able to help you..."

Kazuma was silent for a long moment, his gaze focused upon his half-empty plate. Finally, he looked back up to Ryuhou, his shoulders rolling in a small shrug. "I dunno... I don't really like the idea of someone else poking around in my head... It's already fucked up enough, don't you think?"

"I don't think it would be like that," Ryuhou assured him. "It wouldn't be the same as when the two of you fought—he wouldn't be trying to control you."

After another lengthy silence from the other side of the table, Kauzma made another concommittal grunt before once again turning his attention to his food. "So...you know where to find him, then?"

With a faint, relieved smile, Ryuhou raised a bite of stirfry to his own lips. "Yes, I believe so."

After dinner, while Ryuhou tidied the kitchen—Kazuma, surprisingly enough, even volunteering to assist him—the younger man suddenly turned to him, asking the question that seemed to be the only one on his lips whenever Ryuhou did...well...anything for him.

"Why...?"

Placing the last of the dishes into the cupboard, Ryuhou slowly turned to face his companion. Truth be told, he wasn't quite sure of his motives, himself. It made no sense, really. Even when he and Kazuma had worked together to expel the Mainland forces from the Lost Ground, they hadn't exactly been the best of friends. And in the four years since their final, all-out battle, he had carried on with his self-imposed duty, rarely giving the other man a thought from one month's end to the next. But now...having once again fallen in with his long-time rival, he realized that...without the other man as a daily fixture in his life...something...had been missing. He didn't know what that something was, but he simply couldn't let the other man go before he found out.

"I...dont' know if I can explain it, really," Ryuhou replied with a vaguely sheepish smile. "I just...can't let you die—not without a fight. If I did...I feel like part of me would die as well." Blushing darkly, he lowered his gaze, nervously shifting his weight from one foot to the other. "I...can't give up on you, Kazuma... I won't..."

Again, Kazuma was silent, and when the other man still hadn't spoken after several minutes, Ryuhou forced himself to look up, his eyes widening slightly at the sight of the other man standing before him, visibly trembling, pale-faced...and looking almost as ill as he'd been when Ryuhou had first found him. As their gazes once again meshed, Kazuma strode forward, covering the short distance between them in a few strides. Reaching out, he desperately clutched at the front of Ryuhou's shirt, yanking the older man closer.

"I'm not _worth_ saving!" he spat, his face a mask of agony as he pressed in close to the other man. "Everything I've done... I _deserve_ this—what's happening to me—I deserve it! I've fucking _earned_ it!"

"No!" Reaching out, Ryuhou wrapped his arms tightly around Kazuma, pulling the younger Alter into a protective embrace. "You don't deserve this..." he murmured, brushing soothing kisses over Kazuma's hair, his neck and the side of his face. "You don't...I promise... So please, let me help you see that..."

Leaning down slightly, his lips found Kazuma's own as he engaged the other man in a searing kiss. Of their own volition, his hands moved restlessly over his rival's body, impatiently tugging at the bottom of his shirt before greedily caressing over the warm, scarred skin of the other man's back. He could feel Kazuma responding in kind, the other man's hands tugging at his own clothing, roughened palms rasping over his own suddenly feverish feeling skin.

By mutual consent, the two men moved toward the bedroom, their frenzied hands leaving a trail of discarded clothing in their wake. Together, they tumbled onto the bed, limbs tangling in a lover's knot as their bodies meshed together. In the darkness, lips sought out their mates, as hands reached out, caressing, kneading, _needing..._

**XXX**

Sitting crosswise on the bed, his thighs spread wide apart, Mujou Kyoji leaned back on his elbows, a very satisfied smirk on his face as he watched the brown-haired young man kneeling on the floor in the space between his wide-spread knees. The boy was certainly...talented; it was easy to see why Kazuma had been so fond of him—although he seriously doubted that the auburn-haired Alter had utilized—or even known of—one tenth of his former lover's talents. This, of course, only made his possession of Kimishima, body and soul, just that much more delicious.

Of course, it wasn't really Kimishima that Mujou had wanted, but Kazuma himself. Many times during his exile he had imagine the brat occupying the exact same spot where Kimishima now knelt, the punk's obnoxious mouth finally silent for once as Mujou gave him something better to do with it than trash-talking. If all went as planned, he would soon have the chance to see that idle daydream become a reality. With Kimishima's help, it would be a simple matter to break his nemesis, and once that had been accomplished, he could amuse himself with the younger man's humiliation until that ceased to be entertaining...and then he could have the final pleasure of destroying him. Or...he might even give his young companion that pleasure.

Although it had been an incredible stroke of luck finding the boy on the Other Side, it had been child's play to pretend to befriend him. The task of providing the youth with a material body had proven to be a little more difficult—it had taken him almost two years after his banishment by Ryuhou and Kazuma to regain enough strength to do so. Once that had been accomplished, the rest was fairly simple: blocking out the majority of Kimishima's memories was accomplished by a simple adjustment to his old Absorption Alter. Transforming Kimishima into an Alter was simply a matter of taking him to the Alter forest.

Oh...but the most amusing thing of all had been the story he'd fed the youth once he'd awakened from his ordeal. According to Mujou's highly edited version, Kazuma was the vilest of betrayers who had used Kimishima—and everyone else he cared for—in a quest for more power, and then callously sacrificed Kimishima when it became convenient, leaving him for dead when the youth had been injured and slowed him down. Fortunately, Mujou had found him in time and was able to nurse him back to health.

During the younger man's convalescence, Mujou had painted a very different portrait of his own involvement with the Shell Bullet than what had actually occurred. According to Mujou's revisionist version of history, he had been one of the few Alters to take a stand against Kazuma and Ryuhou during their reign of terror, and as a result of their repeated clashes, he'd lost most of his power—and almost his life, as well.

It was truly a pity that he'd been unable to find Ryuhou's annoying little blue-haired girlfriend as well—that would have truly made his triumph complete. Unfortunately, he had been unable to locate her during his exile...or, perhaps, she had hidden herself from him...but it didn't really matter; he'd find a way to avenge himself on the former HOLY officer as well; it was simply a matter of time...and patience. Both of which he had in abundance.

In the meantime, he had Kazuma's beloved one to toy with—and Kimishima was, indeed, a pleasant diversion. The younger man was only too happy to do anything that Mujou asked of him, and the Mainland Alter had taken great pleasure in degrading and humiliating his enemy's former lover—not that Kimishima was aware of what he was doing, of course. But when they were ready to...go public, as it were, he would make sure that Kazuma had a ringside seat to witness just how completely he now possessed the fiery Alter's ex-lover.

Of course, his plan had evolved over the two years since his return from exile. Originally, he'd planned to simply destroy Kimishima after the youth had served his purpose of luring Kazuma to him—after their little demonstration, of course. But...over the time they'd been together, he'd become rather fond of his companion—the young man was indeed talented—and he had altered his plans to accommodate that change of heart. Once Kimishima brought Kazuma to him, he would keep both men with him. He and his playmate would have such fun breaking their quarry—and Mujou was quite looking forward to the day when he would have Kazuma broken and kneeling before him. Perhaps he'd even allow Kimishima to take the other man for old time's sake. It wasn't necessary, of course...but Mujou had always been something of a sentimentalist.

Allowing his head to fall back, Mujou's eyes slowly fluttered closed, his thighs trembling, his body tensing and arching as he finally surrendered himself to the amazing sensations that Kimishima's mouth sent flooding through him. Reaching down with one hand, he gripped the short, spikey brown hair, his breath quickening into short, gasping pants as his hips began to move more rapidly. A few moments more, and he arched suddenly, an almost triumphant shout tearing itself from his throat as his body shuddered with an almost violent bliss.

Panting heavily, Mujou collapsed back onto the bed, and a few moments later, another, lesser shudder rippled through him as Kimishima slowly pulled away.

"Did I please you, Mujou-sama?"

Smiling broadly, Mujou sat up, reaching out a hand to coax the younger man up onto the bed beside him. "Yes, very much—as you always do, Kimishima." Reaching out, he caressed the side of the younge rman's face, his gaze raking over the muscular body so close to his own, finally coming to rest on the other man's lap. "That looks...most uncomfortable, pet..." he purred, reaching down to trace one fingertip lightly along the object of his attention, a soft chuckle rising from his throat as a visible shudder wracked the other man's body. "Would you like to take care of that now, Kimishima?"

"If that pleases you, Mujou-sama," came the prompt reply.

Smiling broadly, Mujou leaned in to press an effectionate kiss to Kimishima's cheek. "Such a good, obedient boy..." Laying back on the bed, he propped his head up on the pillows, his gaze resting possessively on his companion. "Yes, it pleases me... You know how much I enjoy watching you...enjoy yourself..."

Smiling, Kimishima crawled over the bed to stand on his knees, straddling Mujou's legs, exposing himself fully to the older man's view. A faint blush colored his cheeks as warm brown eyes rose to meet Mujou's gaze and after a moment, the younger man reached down, a low moan rising from his throat as he arched into his own touch.

From his vantage point, Mujou continued to watch his companion avidly, drinking in every tremor, every moan and gasp, every blissful expression that flickered over the younger man's face. The boy really was beautiful like this, completely shameless and wanton, willing—even eager—to debase himself for Mujou's pleasure. Not for the first time, Mujou was glad that he'd decided to spare the younger man even after he'd served his purpose. Once they had disposed of Kazuma, he could amuse himself with the other man indefinitely...or for as long as Kimishima continued to divert him, at any rate.

"What are you thinking about, Kimishima?" Just watching the other man, knowing his past, his former devotion to his bothersome lover...and seeing the control he had over Kimishima now...all served to fan the flames of his own desires. Every time he took the other man, every time he made him gasp or scream in pleasure it was a blow to Kazuma's pride—even if his nemesis was unaware of it as yet.

"You..." Kimishima murmured, his unoccupied hand moving, sliding up over taut, tanned skin, releasing a small gasp as his fingers played over his chest, "Only you... Mujou-sama..."

The power...the control that he held over his creation inflamed him more completely than the most powerful aphrodisiac, and Mujou felt a restless stirring in the lower portions of his own body as Kimishima's display once again aroused his passions. "Do you want me, pet? Do you want me to touch you, Kimishima...? To take you...?"

"If...If that pleases you..." Kimishima replied humbly, his hands continuing to move restlessly over his lean, hard body, his face flushed with pleasure, the soft brown eyes bright with lust.

Sitting up, Mujou rose up onto his own knees, moving over the bed to kneel close behind the other man. Wrapping his arms around Kimishima's waist from behind, he leaned down, scatter moist, open-mouth kisses over one broad shoulder. "But...does that please _you_, my pet?" Sliding his hands up over the flat stomach to caress over the planes of the broad chest, "Tell me..." he whispered, his lips playing sinfully over the side of Kimishima's neck, "Tell me what you want..."

Moaning loudly, Kimishima's head fell back to rest on Mujou's shoulder, his body trembling with need as he arched into Mujou's touch. "Take me..." he gasped, writhing wantonly against the older man, "Fuck me...hard and fast...until I scream..."

Again, images of Kazuma crowded into Mujou's mind. The Shell Bullet, on his knees before him, broken, weeping with need, begging Mujou to take him, to touch him, to possess him. That strong, vibrantly alive body trembling against his own, that foul mouth pleading with him for release—and he would oblige the younger man, oh yes, indeed, and he would definitely allow his charming Kimishima to help him. How exciting it would be to observe over Kazuma's shoulder while Kimishima used that incredible mouth to devour his former lover like a piece of candy while Mujou took him from behind. And once he had sated himself, he'd allow Kimishima to play with his old lover as well while he watched them both.

Pleased with Kimishima's answer, Mujou smiled, one arm tightening around the other man as he pressed himself flush against his partner's back. Pressing a kiss to the back of Kimishima's neck, he jerked his hips forward abruptly, a broad grin forming upon his lips at the other man's cry of mingled pleasure and pain. "Hmm... so you liked that, did you, my Kimishima...?" Without giving the younger man a chance to adjust, he began to rock his hips furiously, giving Kimishima what he had asked for.

Trembling violently, Kimishima arched back against his lover, his own hips rocking rapidly as he matched the other man's pace. "Nnng... y-yes, Mujou-sama..."

**XXX**

Much later, after they had both sated themselves, Kimishima lay awake beside his beloved master. Although he was weary, the sharp—but oddly pleasant—ache that radiated up along his spine kept him awake. Kimishima minded neither the pain nor his inability to sleep—he had pleased Mujou-sama yet again, that was all that really mattered, after all.

Smiling faintly, he drank in the sight of the sleeping man beside him, the pale, silvery hair fanned out around his face, hair that seemed to almost glow as it caught the last few rays of the fading light. The moon-pale skin, the full lips, slightly parted and curved into a faint smile. Gazing upon his lover, Kimishima felt his heart swell with love and adoration...and gratitude. If not for Mujou, he would be dead now. The older man had found him, nearly lifeless in the open desert...and had taken pity on him...something his own lover had failed to do.

By all rights, Mujou should have hated him, should have killed him when he'd stumbled upon him. It would have been no more than he deserved; he _had_ been working with Kazuma at the time, after all. Together, he and his ex-lover had almost destroyed the beautiful man now sleeping peacefully beside him, had burned out Mujou's own Alter, leaving the other man broken, nearly defenseless. Instead of seeking vengeance, however, Mujou had shown compassion; taking him home, binding his wounds, sharing what little he had: food, shelter, and finally...love.

It was...humbling to receive such kindness from one whom he had so grievously wronged—but that was simply the type of man Mujou was. Even now, he didn't seek revenge—but only justice. That was...so typical of the gentle man he loved. Over time, as he slowly began to understand just what he had been a party to, his disgust and self-loathing grew until he believed that the weight of guilt he carried would consume him—as it might well have had Mujou not seen his pain. Speaking to him gently, the older man informed him that he was not truly to blame; he too had been duped, and by the very person he had trusted most. It had all been Kazuma's doing. Kazuma, the Shell Bullet...the Alter who would do anything for money...or power. Still, despite everything he had suffered at the bastard's hands, Mujou didn't seek revenge, only justice...for all of the rogue Alter's victims.

Kimishima, however, wasn't so forgiving.

It had been a long, painful process, but he was becoming stronger every day. Soon, he would seek out his ex-lover and destroy him for what he'd done to Mujou-sama. But before that, he would break the Shell Bullet by taking away everyone and everything he cared for—if the bastard cared about anything other than himself.

It was a pity that he didn't remember more about his time with Kazuma...Mujou had only been able to tell him a little... But his former lover was hardly invisible; he'd be able to find him, to watch him from a distance, and once he found out what the younger man held dearest, he'd take it from him. He'd take it all, everything; just as Kazuma had taken everything.

He could hardly wait.

Smiling faintly, Kimishima rolled onto his side, wincing a little as tender flesh protested the sudden movement. Curling himself around the slender body beside him, he pillowed his head on his lover's shoulder, inhaling the musky scent of sweat and sex that clung to them both. Winding his arms around the fragile-seeming figure, he tipped his face up, pressing a soft kiss to one pale cheek.

"I'll protect you, Mujou-sama..." he whispered to the sleeping man. "I won't let him hurt you again..."

**XXX**

Crying out, Kazuma threw his head back, his fingers digging into Ryuhou's shoulders as his body moved in time with the other man's.

_This is wrong... I shouldn't...but... oh God, it's been so long...and it feels so good..._

Strong arms wrapped tightly around him, holding him close, and Kazuma wound his own arms around Ryuhou's shoulders, his head falling forward to rest in the curve of the other man's neck, his face buried by a spill of soft, forest green hair. _Wrong...this is wrong... Oh God..._ Long, elegant fingers slid through his sweat-drenched hair and soft, wet lips trailed slow, lingering kisses over his shoulder, neck and brow as his long-time rival moved with him, sending electric jolts of pleasure singing through his body. _Oh, God... don't stop...don't ever stop..._

Pulling back slightly, Kazuma's back snapped into a sudden, deep arch, another loud, impassioned shout ripping itself from his throat as another violent tremor jolted through him. Shuddering with pleasure, he could do little but gasp and writhe against the other man. Finally, however, the wave passed long enough for him to grind out, "Harder...Fuck me harder...Ryuhou..."

Kazuma had barely gotten the words out before he found himself tumbled suddenly from Ryuhou's lap and toppled onto his back, his legs hooked over Ryuhou's shoulders. Above him floated the other man's face, flushed with desire and pleasure, sweat-dampened green hair clinging to his brow and cheeks. Bracing himself on one arm, Ryuhou quickly picked up the rhythm they had established, complying with the younger man's wishes.

His own body moving urgently to meet Ryuhou's frenzied pace, Kazuma cried out again as a strong, gentle hand reached down to caress him. _How can I do this? I love Kimishima...not him...So...How can I let him do this? Why can't I stop this?_

Above him, Ryuhou leaned down, claiming Kazuma's lips in a rough, possessive kiss, his slick, warm tongue swiping over his lips, demanding entrance. Hating his own weakness, he parted his lips, allowing Ryuhou to explore as he liked, his own tongue welcoming the other man's. It was, however, another pair of lips he yearned to feel pressed against his own, another's warmth, another's heat gliding effortlessly into him, and even though Kimishima was gone, Kazuma couldn't help but feel as if he were betraying his lover. However, not even the loss...the grief...or even the guilt he felt over Kimishima's death could erase the almost unbearable _need_ that now consumed him. The need for contact, for warmth, the need for there to be _something_ in the darkness other than his own haunted dreams.

How had he become so...weak? Even as Ryuhou's mouth claimed his own with hungry kisses, the other man driving into him hard and fast, Kazuma still longed for his lost lover's touch; thoughts, memories of Kimishima filling his mind even as Ryuhou now filled his body. He...shouldn't be doing this...even after all this time, it still felt wrong...but despite the fact that his mind...his soul...his heart cried out for Kimishima, his arms wound themselves more tightly around Ryuhou's shoulders, clinging to the other man as his hips pumped frantically to meet his former enemy's thrusts.

_God, you're so pathetic...Nothing but a fucking whore...HOLY's whore.. Ryuhou's whore..._

Gasping, Kazuma arched back against the pillows, his fingers clawing desperately at the sheets. His body vibrating with pleasure, he rocked his own hips upwards, seeking even more of the friction that was driving him ever closer to the edge. Wrong...so wrong...but so good...so good that nothing else mattered: not life nor death nor pain, not memory nor loss nor grief...not even love or need or betrayal. Only pleasure mattered, pleasure so intense that everything else fell away, leaving him hollow and empty.

Crying out once more, he shuddered violently as the white-hot bolt of pleasure spiked through him. After a few more hard, deep thrusts, Ryuhou came as well, the older man's final thrust striking squarely against Kazuma's pleasure zone as well, sending the younger Alter just that much higher until both men collapsed together in a panting, sweaty tangle, clinging to each other more like shipwreck survivors than like lovers.

After several minutes, Ryuhou rolled off of Kazuma, almost immediately reaching for the other to draw him closer. Crawling into his companion's arms, Kazuma huddled against the older man like a lost child. Winding his own arms around Ryuhou's neck, he hid his face against the other man's shoulder as he wept almost silently in Ryuhou's arms.

**XXX**

Hours later, after Kazuma had cried himself to sleep, Ryuhou remained awake, still holding the younger Alter in a protective embrace. He wasn't sure as to the reason for the younger man's tears—Kazuma hadn't been able to explain, and Ryuhou hadn't pressed him...but the incident disturbed him. Had he somehow made things worse by making love to the other man?

This...had been his first real sexual experience. His first with another person, rather than his own hand, at any rate. Although he had received his share of offers in the past, he had always been too busy...or perhaps just too stupid to pursue a relationship with anyone. And in the years since the destruction of HOLY and the nominal freeing of the Lost Ground, there had been no one to really develop a relationship with. Or so he had thought, at any rate. Even now, who could have foreseen that when he did finally enter into a relationship...it would be with Kazuma?

_If this is a relationship...and not just a one-time occurrence, that is..._

Frowning slightly at the thought, Ryuhou pressed a comforting kiss to Kazuma's temple as the younger man stirred restlessly beside him. _Would_ Kazuma want a relationship with him? The younger man seemed so trapped within the events of his own past that Ryuhou wasn't sure that he would ever break free...or if he even wanted to.

It was almost preposterous—he and Kazuma had never gotten along—they had tried to kill each other on numerous occasions. They were close...but in the way that enemies are close. Even if that weren't the case, Kazuma was...well...to put it bluntly, he was a psychological mess at the moment; a lover was probably the last thing the other man needed.

_But...if I can help him...maybe..._

Yes...perhaps he could help the other man come to terms with the loss that still haunted him. And once they had dealt with the past, they could work towards finding a way to halt the illness that was rapidly sapping away the younger man's life...and once that had been accomplished...perhaps Kazuma would be able to find a reason to live, after all.

Next to him, Kazuma shuddered, moaning incoherently as if in the grip of some horrendous nightmare. Tightening his arms protectively around the too-thin body, he murmured soft, comforting nothings to the sleeping man as his hands rubbed soothing circles over Kazuma's back.

_Please, Kazuma...Live... If you can find no other reason, then...live for me..._


End file.
